I’m 24, and maybe I’m a bit naïve even at my age, but who knows? My father is a pastor and is well loved by people, and I have a younger sister who is in university. We’re not so close, but we communicate. Around late 2024, my sister texted me and sent me messages that my father had sent to a close friend of hers. From the context of the messages, it was obvious he was trying to have a s€xual relationship with the girl. I saw the messages, and I told my sister to delete his number from her phone and delete her number from his phone too, then block each other. For days, the knowledge of this felt like a burden on my chest, and even till this moment it still does. This is someone I used to look up to and take pride in. My course of study was influenced by this pride, so I was, and still am, disappointed in him. He eventually found out my sister knew and spoke to her about it, saying he was just being nice to her and that it didn’t mean anything. This man literally told the girl not to let my sister know anything about their conversations. So funny.
Guys, my sister is the last born and she’s not so secretive, so basically everyone in the family already knows, even my mum. But I don’t think my father knows that we do. I was making a transaction on his phone when I also saw conversations with someone else that were similar to the previous ones, but I didn’t tell anyone. Now, like I said earlier, he’s a pastor, and whenever he preaches in church, I just get so irritated. In my head, I’m like, “What kind of duplicitous character is this?” Anything he preaches annoys me. I know they say God forgives our sins and all, and maybe God has forgiven him, but me? I don’t think I can. The thing is, I still laugh with him, but anytime I see him preach, I just see a hypocrite. The funny thing is that when my sister informed me about this, I remembered a time in my childhood when my mum and dad had an argument relating to something similar. As a child, I thought it couldn’t be true, but now I think about that time and even the things we know nothing about. I’ve never been blind to his faults,
but this incident really broke my trust in him and has affected some of my relationships. I have never had a boyfriend. Situationships, yes. Even almost relationships where I end up sabotaging myself. Sometimes I think subconsciously this incident from when I was a child shaped this part of my life. But how can someone be so bold and audacious even with all this? I’ve always been a cynical person, and I guess this just adds to the reasons for my cynicism. Anyway, this has been disturbing me, and I thought maybe ranting would help. Who knows?
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