I have been married for over 10 years. I entered the relationship out of pity because he would always tell me that nobody wanted to date him because he was poor, and along the line, I became pregnant, which led to marriage. From the beginning, life was full of struggles. He is very, very stingy, but I excused it because he was not earning much. I had to start working multiple jobs, even during pregnancy, so I wouldn’t suffer too much. When things became very difficult financially, I suggested relocation so we could rebuild. He insisted on travelling first, promising to send for me and the children later. I trusted him. I was hoping to have a better life with him and tell my story of how we had been struggling and were now enjoying life. I was really hoping and dreaming of being spoiled with love and care when he became successful. But after he left, he abandoned us financially and emotionally. He just sends peanuts, very little money, so he can say he sends money at all. Less than one month after arriving abroad, he changed completely and told me the marriage was over.
He asked me to return his bride price, do a divorce, and move on. I begged him, but he said his decision was final. I never wished my marriage would end like this. It has been two years. He sends very little money for the children, far from enough for even one week’s upkeep as their monthly upkeep, and refuses to increase it despite pleas from me. I have been asked to return his bride price (dowry), but I am confused. Some people say it is too early, while others say I should free myself and return it. I fear judgment, shame, and future manipulation, especially as I am struggling now but working hard to rebuild my life. Though I am young and beautiful, I do not intend to remarry again. I just want peace, as he keeps reminding me to return his dowry in every message. He is the type that believes abandoning a woman who has children for him is a great decision so he can enjoy all he can now and come back anytime, after all, as the kids will make the bond be there forever. I want peace, clarity, and freedom. Please advise with kindness. Should I return the dowry now or still wait a little?
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