I am 29 years old, I was single for 3 years until I met this guy who’s now my ex last year and I gave him a chance to date. To be honest, I thought the relationship was one-sided, or maybe I was the one who just fell hard too much. This guy showed me premium pepper and shege and I still couldn’t leave him. He was a narcissist, he gaslighted, manipulated, and controlled me so much that sometimes I felt like I was crazy or something. We broke up and my life was a mess. Nothing impressed me, I barely showered daily. I was unkempt and my skin started looking pale, my business even suffered from it. Now, after a couple of therapy sessions, I blocked and I decided to get up and show up for myself. I started going to my shop, working on my look, and getting closer to God. Each day at a time, I felt God was healing me.
After 3 months of no contact. I burnt my dress while I was ironing it and I felt sad as it was my favorite dress. That same day I didn’t know what came over me, I went to my block list and unblocked his number to call him. I found out he had blocked me everywhere too so I used my sales rep’s number to call him and started insulting him. He blocked me on that number too. I was furious! Since then, I’ve used several lines to call him just to swear for him, I’ve lost count. I know I’m ashamed of it, yes, maybe I have low self-esteem but each time I called to curse him, I felt good about it, and then I was able to focus. I was just too heartbroken and shattered to move on.
Yes, I love him but I really don’t want him again I can’t just move on and he seems to enjoy me calling him randomly to curse him because he told my best friend that getting angry and saying hurtful things is a cross he gets to entertain. I’m so sorry for the lengthy rant guys. I just don’t know how to move past everything. I can’t even recognize myself or know who I am anymore. This guy took away my self-worth and identity. I’ve been begging my inner child that we should heal together but damn she’s just too stubborn.
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