I just need someone to talk to, hence why I am sending this, so sorry if it ends up being too long. I feel like my life is on hold, like I am at a standstill, not moving forward or backwards, and it makes me very depressed sometimes. They say appearances can be deceptive, and I truly believe that because many people I meet would not believe how hard I feel my life is most of the time. I just feel like nothing in my life is working despite all my efforts. I am a 26-year-old lady. I graduated from university some years back, and I’ve been working since then. I am a short-let agent and have been doing that since I was in university. I bake and cook like a pro, and I’ve been doing that since university too. I was also into makeup, made hair, fixed nails, and lots more. I was literally a jack of all trades at one point because I love having my own money and being able to afford the things I want to buy. I had to stop my baking business after university because I got a job and could no longer keep up. After struggling with the job and my boss for almost eight months, I resigned and stayed home for a while while still doing my side gig as a short-let agent, which kept me going, while also helping out in my mum’s store.
I got another job last year, and it was all going well, but the business was sold after about six months, and I became jobless again. I tried looking for another job, but it was either too far from home or the pay was extremely low, so I focused on my short-let business. Last year was really horrible for me in that area. I kept spending lots of money on adverts and promotions like I always do, but with little or no bookings. At one point, I almost could not afford to run adverts, and I had to pause and rethink my life. Thank God for past clients because they were the ones who kept me going. Late last year, I made the decision to go back to baking because cooking is something I am usually very confident in. I took most of my savings and got almost everything I would need to start again. I spent about 500,000 to 600,000 naira. So far, I’ve been testing recipes, reconfirming prices, and trying to make and edit videos for my social media accounts, but I am really nervous. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail in the business again? What if I can’t keep up? What if clients don’t like my cakes? Lots of discouraging thoughts have been popping in and out of my mind, and I don’t know what to do about them. I am just too scared.
I don’t want to be a failure. I was assaulted as a child and confided in my parents. They are the best. The whole thing was handled swiftly, and the perpetrator got what he deserved. I won’t say I was traumatised by the event because of how it was handled, but I am a sexually reserved person. I have only been with one person all my life. We started dating in my first year of university and broke up after graduation in 2022 because of distance and a lot of other things. I haven’t dated or engaged in any sexual activity since then, not because of a lack of options, but because most of the people who approach me are either married, way younger than me, or are just looking for someone to have sex with. I would rather remain single than jump in and out of relationships because I really don’t want to look back at my life with regrets, and I don’t want to do anything to disappoint my mum either, so I am always very conscious of all I do. The last man who approached me literally started sending sexually explicit stickers within a few hours of me giving him my contact. Who does that? When I let him know I wasn’t comfortable with it, he insinuated that I was a prude.
All the initial attraction I felt just faded away, so I blocked him and moved on. I can’t really say I am very worried about not being in a relationship because I am extremely comfortable being in my own space, but I still want my own person, someone I can depend on and vice versa. Nobody would even believe me if I told them I’ve been single for four years. The whole situation is making my mum worried. She keeps dropping hints about getting married and things like that, but how can someone who hasn’t successfully gotten into a relationship in four years easily find a husband? I do put myself out there. I go hiking, attend group hangouts, meet new people, and all, but something just isn’t right somewhere. It’s simply not working out. I just feel like I’m doing something wrong. My relationship life is non-existent, and my business and financial well-being are very unstable. I’m not confident in my financial capabilities. I don’t want to end up being the broke sister or aunt whom everyone avoids. I feel and know that I can do better, but it just feels like something is holding me back somewhere. In all, I don’t know exactly why I decided to write this to you because I know my issues are not the worst, but any help or advice that can be given would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, and apologies for the long text.
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