There was this my best friend I had an involvement with, but I was still struggling to leave my ex because of attachment issues. He cheated, so I started dating my best friend in a situationship, but I couldn’t fully put myself into it because I was still attached to my ex. My best friend eventually ended up betraying me. He hurt me badly, which caused me to block and cut him off for over a year, although there were sometimes on and off talks between us. Recently, last year, we started talking again, and he has a girlfriend, though we obviously still had an attachment. I broke up with my boyfriend because I knew I was eventually going to break up with him anyway since my heart had not been there for the longest time. My best friend and I agreed to have fun, even with him being with his girlfriend, but he promised me that if I couldn’t continue with just having fun anymore, he would leave his girlfriend fully and easily because, according to him, I was the one he truly loved. We started having fun, and of course, I couldn’t bear him being with his girlfriend. Not that I wanted a committed relationship immediately, but I just didn’t want to share his attention, love, money, or body with anyone else, even if we were not committed.
My plan was that we would continue the way we were until we eventually became committed. He agreed to this, and instead of being honest with me that he couldn’t do it immediately and that it was not going to be easy, he kept giving me hope. Even when I told him and begged him that we should just cut things off because the fun had started becoming serious and my emotions were already involved, and maybe some other time, even if it was years or months later when he was finally free or healed from his girlfriend, we could build something together, he told me we had gone too far to cut things off and that he would handle the situation of leaving his girlfriend for good. But that was not the case. I believed him and started putting in more effort to actually see where we were heading. I was doing girlfriend duties even though we were not committed, but this boy was still meeting his girlfriend behind my back and communicating with her. I found out about several situations and realised they could not let each other go. So I had a serious conversation with him, asking himif he actually saw a future with me and wanted something serious. This boy told me yes, he did, and of course, that came with more lies about currently breaking up with his girlfriend.
Eventually, I found out everything and confronted him for wasting my time. Not because I wanted a committed relationship immediately, but because I thought we were trying to build something and let go of people from our past. This boy started gaslighting me with what happened in the past, how I cut him off instead of trying to fix things with him after he deeply hurt me, and how he now has a fear of abandonment because I left him. He said he could not take me seriously or fully put his mind into what we were trying to build because of that. He also said I couldn’t accept rejection, that he rejected me and I couldn’t accept it. My heart shattered before my eyes. This was the highest form of betrayal the second time I interacted with him. I invested my time, body, attention, effort, emotions, and money into seeing what we could become or trying to build something meaningful. Whenever he was short on funds, I would lend him money, even over a million, and I also bought him things easily. But he didn’t take accountability for using me. Instead, he tried to devalue me by saying things like I didn’t go to church, I don’t like cooking, and I am expensive, in the sense that I have too many bills according to him, so he couldn’t see anything serious with me. He gave lots of excuses and gaslighting just to avoid accountability.
Even though he later admitted that he actually was not scared of anything he previously mentioned, he said he simply did not want to lose me in his life because he knows that if we went into a serious relationship and he broke my trust or hurt me, I would leave him for good and break his heart. He said he could not afford to lose me. Mind you, at the beginning, he told me his relationship with his girlfriend was already falling apart and that he was tired. He also said he did not deeply love her anymore. His girlfriend even had hints that he was trying to leave her because of me, and she was seriously begging him. He also said a lot of things about her that made it seem like he didn’t even like her much as a person and was tired of the relationship. As time went on, he stopped treating me like his queen unlike in the beginning and did lots of other things aside from still seeing his girlfriend. I feel so much anger and betrayal. I feel used, and I hate the fact that he tried to make me feel less of myself just to avoid accountability. I hate that he was so selfish. I’m so angry and pissed. He has casually gone back to his girlfriend, and they are dating again. The worst part is that his friends were aware of me, and now he is back with his girlfriend. Imagine the embarrassment. You can’t imagine the kind of anger I carry inside me against that boy.
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