I recently started dating this guy, we’ve been together for 1 year now. We gist and talk a lot about our past relationships. One day, he told me about how he cheated on his ex twice, with the excuse that he was already tired of the relationship and couldn’t let her go because they had a child together. “Don’t worry guy, she is married now,” he said. I confirmed it—she actually gave birth to another child a year after he eventually broke up with her, and she married another man. But that’s not my problem.
The issue is that after he told me how he cheated, he tried to justify it by saying his baby mama wasn’t a good person, and that she also cheated. He wasn’t wrong about that; six months after he told her he was tired of her bad behavior, she got pregnant and married someone else. I confirmed this even before we started dating. He stayed with her, hoping things would work out for the sake of their child. I told him what he did was still wrong, no matter what.
Now, here’s my problem: because of what he told me, I have trust issues. Not because he cheated, but because he justified it. He’s acting like I don’t have a right to feel this way. I mean, whose partner tells them they cheated on their ex, and the current partner doesn’t worry that it might happen again, even if they swear they’ve changed? Who wouldn’t be cautious? I won’t lie, he’s been amazing to me. He never treated me badly, even after I told him about getting pregnant and having a miscarriage with my ex.
Am I being selfish for not trusting him, even though he didn’t change his behavior toward me after learning about my past mistake, which I don’t regret? Honestly, if the miscarriage didn’t happen, I would have had an abortion. Am I overthinking for not trusting him after what he told me, especially because he justified his actions? Expecting a man not to cheat isn’t my main concern—it’s the fact that he justified it that worries me.
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