I have been thinking all day. I couldn’t go out to work or do anything. All I did was watch K-dramas all day. Now I feel like I’m trying to avoid reality. It doesn’t seem real to me. I still can’t process it. I was worried about him last night. It was cold and raining. I couldn’t stop worrying about him, thinking he would catch a cold. I texted him to tell him he shouldn’t catch a cold. We talked about a few things he did during the day, only for me to tell him I was not going to stop talking to him. I texted him this morning to ask about his night and his well-being. We chatted for some time later in the evening, talking about the last stuff that caused our breakup. I told him he wouldn’t accept just a little bit of what he did. Subconsciously, I sent him a video of where he was cheating and a screenshot of the messages the lady sent me a few months back.
He also blamed me for his cheating, saying I wasn’t fun enough and the girl was fun. He apologized for it then, though. Crazy me, I felt suicidal during those times because he said I made him cheat. I have a chest issue that wasn’t so serious before I met him. It got worse after I got into the relationship. Now, I’m here dealing with chest pain and anxiety. The craziest part is that he doesn’t care or feel remorse for everything he’s put me through. I feel so hurt when I see videos of people breaking up and blocking each other, not knowing I would also have to go through it. I was so sure we would be together forever because I was willing to fight for the relationship. I was willing to do anything just to be with him. I thought it was just our argument phase and I was willing to go through anything to pass the phase. The funniest thing is that he told me weeks after we started dating that he’s a bad person,
that he’s not a good person. I used to stop him from saying that. I tell him always not to say that. I’m also not the best person ever. I get angry easily, I’m not fun, I’m an extreme introvert, and I don’t go out, be it on dates or with friends. I don’t have friends (just the ones I talk to online and might not meet in two years). He made me work on my anger and now I’m much better, but he doesn’t want to work on his own issues at all. He doesn’t even want to accept it. He’s a really sweet man, but he’s letting his anger take away the best part of himself. I wish he realized that before it got too late. He thinks I’m the problem, which is why he doesn’t accept his anger issue. I wish someone else could help him and make him understand before it’s too late. I love him so much. I love him to infinity. I blocked him on all platforms and deleted all of his and our pictures I had on my phone. To everyone who left advice for me, thank you so much and God bless.
Also Read: Day 1 After the Breakup