To be honest, I’m only sharing because I have no one to talk to and it’s killing me. We’ve dated for 7 years. When we were 3/4 years old, I cheated on him. This was against everything I stood for, and I was always vocal about it until I found myself in that situation and I fell. I failed woefully, and I hated myself for it. I confessed to him, and it broke him. He’s been nothing but good to me, but I messed it all up. I regret it so much. I’ve been a good girlfriend, but that one thing ruined it all. He broke up with me after I confessed, but I kept begging him to take me back. I was remorseful. I am remorseful. It was a one-time thing, and I swore never to do it again. Months later, after so much back and forth with him, we decided to fight for our relationship and continue. I made promises never to hurt him like that again and stayed true to that promise.
We continued like nothing happened. I knew he was still hurt, but I was just glad he was still willing to be with me regardless. I knew healing would take time, and I was ready to stay all the way, after all, it’s my fault. A few weeks ago, he broke up with me out of the blue. We were good, we didn’t have any fights. We were talking about marriage and family, but all of a sudden he said he didn’t want to be with me anymore. It’s been a few weeks now, and he seems very stern about his decision. We dated for 7 years, and I honestly don’t know how to handle all of these. We’ve been through it all, and I honestly am finding it hard to move on. Please help me, how do I move on? It is so hard. I’m trying so hard not to beg him to take me back because I don’t want to be selfish, and he seems so happy that I’m gone, but how do I move on? I’m so broken.
He kept saying we were besties and could still be good friends; he still sent me money even after the breakup. But I just can’t stand this pain I’m feeling. I’m lean. I don’t sleep well. I don’t eat well. How can 1 decision, 1 wrong erase all other 99 goods? How can 1 bad decision ruin me this much? I really don’t like who I’ve become these past few weeks. This is a cry for help. How do I heal quickly? How do I forgive myself and find happiness again? It’s so hard. I want him back, but he seems to have moved on. He has clearly stated that he’s done, and that’s final. And I understand him. I respect his decision. How do I deal with all of this pain? 7 years all gone! I know my pain is probably nothing compared to his, but knowing that I lost such a good thing with my own hands is a different level of pain. I messed up.
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