Dear Rantandtalkz, thank you for giving me the space to share what has been going on with me. I have been struggling deeply, and I believe I need professional help to navigate everything happening in my life. A major part of my emotional pain comes from my family. The place that was meant to be my safe space gradually became the source of my greatest wounds. I have lived most of my life trying to make my family proud. I loved them despite their imperfections. I lived for them. My decisions, sacrifices, and efforts were centred around earning their approval and making them happy, but in return, I constantly feel like I am not enough. I graduated with a third class degree, and that alone broke something inside me. In a country like Nigeria, where even people with first class degrees struggle, it already feels like I’m behind. I carried that disappointment heavily, but I did not give up on myself. I refused to let that result define me. I decided to learn skills in lash extensions and tattooing.
I used my own money and sweat to learn them. I built something for myself, but my business has been slow. Visibility is a daily struggle. I am fighting to be seen. Instead of encouragement, I’m constantly told it is “just a side hustle” and that I should go and look for a “real job.” I am told to stop being useless. It hurts because this is something I invested in with everything I had. I will not sit quietly and allow the work I sacrificed for to be discredited. What hurts even more is that my own junior brother constantly talks down to me. Someone who is supposed to be close to me, my own blood, bullies me, belittles me, and speaks to me without respect. It is humiliating. I have kept evidence of some of these incidents because sometimes, it feels so unbelievable that I worry people would think I am exaggerating or framing it. The emotional damage from being constantly disrespected in your own home is hard to explain. I stay because I need a roof over my head, but staying comes at the cost of my peace.
I also have a sister who is well to do and capable of helping to promote my business. Instead, she chooses to promote others. That rejection feels personal. It feels like I am invisible, even within my own family. My mother often picks sides and pressures me. Instead of emotional support, I receive criticism and advice. My family gives zero support and a hundred opinions. I feel constantly evaluated, constantly compared, and constantly found lacking. I have lived my life trying to prove myself to them, trying to make them proud, and trying to earn love, but all I seem to receive in return is judgement and the feeling of not being enough. On top of this, I am house hunting and job hunting, both of which are emotionally exhausting. The instability, financial pressure, and uncertainty all add to the weight I already carry. Lately, I believe I am battling depression. I feel emotionally numb. I can’t even cry anymore. My mind feels heavy and scattered. Some days, I wake up already tired. Every day feels like a fight just to keep going.
My mental health feels fragile. I feel overwhelmed, misunderstood, and alone. I do not want to give up on myself, but I am exhausted from fighting alone. I need help unpacking these family wounds, rebuilding my confidence, setting boundaries without guilt, and learning how to exist for myself, not just for their validation. I want to feel stable. I want to feel worthy without constantly proving myself. I just want to stay alive. I want to heal. Please help me. Thank you for listening.
Also Read: I Lack Self Confidence and it Hurts