I don’t know if I’m overthinking this, but I need to be honest about how I feel. I’m in a relationship with someone almost ten years older than me, yet instead of feeling safe, guided, or even cherished, I feel like I’m in competition. I’m in my mid-twenties, and attraction was honestly what drew me into the relationship. But lately, it’s starting to feel boring. I’ve always taken responsibility for myself. I was celibate for a long time and even ended past relationships because I wasn’t ready to be intimate. In this relationship, I chose to open up. But now I feel used. Intimacy has become almost routine every weekend, yet there’s tension if I don’t clean his space or cook. That makes me question what my role really is. Some moments hurt deeply. When I once asked for support, he said, “Are you my wife?” I felt dismissed. When I asked him to help with my hair for the first time in four months, he questioned whether I wasn’t already doing it before he came into my life, even though I can gladly pay for his haircut too. When I complained, he said he doesn’t feel like I’m meant for him, that the women he has been with usually offered to do things for him, and that he doesn’t want to “impress” me now in case hard times come later and he can’t maintain it.
I’m not expecting him to carry all my needs. I just don’t want to feel like I have to suppress my softness because I’m with someone who does the bare minimum and doesn’t inspire me to do sweet things in return. There’s no urgency when it comes to me. No words of encouragement. No random “I’m proud of you.” When I said I wanted to stop having s€x because I felt unsupported and unloved, he said I was giving “hookup vibes.” That was painful. There have been moments where I felt neglected, like being at his place hungry because he refused to go out and get ingredients to cook, and I eventually ended up ordering food for both of us. He has never offered transport fare, and I don’t even ask. What confuses me most is that men I never gave my body to treated me with more kindness and intentionality. Being intimate with someone who doesn’t make me feel valued makes me feel like a s€x toy rather than a partner. The thought is k!||ing me. I’m such a hyper-independent person, and being with an unkind partner is really hard. He even said Valentine’s Day is not his concern. At least I wouldn’t feel selfish if he did something for me and I didn’t.
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