My boyfriend and I have been together for six years. Throughout the relationship, he has cheated on me multiple times. I have personally caught him three times with strong evidence that he could not deny, and there have also been other situations that made me suspicious, such as finding a used condom in his room and hearing him tell his friends that a girl was coming to his house for a thr3some with her friend. Each time I caught him with undeniable evidence, he apologized, promised to change, and I forgave him. Despite everything, I have never cheated on him. I have never slept with another man, had an affair, or been involved with anyone else throughout our relationship. I think one reason I kept forgiving him was because I am extremely emotionally dependent on him and terrified of being alone. I don’t easily see myself with another man, and the thought of starting another relationship makes me panic. The last time he cheated, which was last year, affected me differently. I was devastated and wanted to end the relationship.
He apologized, his friend also apologized, and he begged me not to leave, promising that he would never do it again. However, something in me changed after that. I started emotionally seeing myself as single because I began to feel that if he could cheat on me repeatedly, he might never truly change. He also has never shown any real interest in marriage or even meeting my mother, so my mother genuinely believes that I am single. During my birthday, my mother tried to introduce me to another man. She knows his family well and described him as someone from a good home who is ready to settle down. He asked me if I was single, and I said yes. He invited me to see a movie with him, and we met at the cinema for the first time. During the outing, before we entered the cinema, my friend called me about some goods we were trying to purchase for our business. She told me that the exchange rate had dropped and that I needed to send money immediately because the procurement agent said it was a good time to buy.
I told her I was short of ₦500,000 but would send whatever I had. The man overheard the conversation and offered to help. He gave me ₦250,000 on the spot, even though we had only just met. After the movie, I wanted to order a ride home, but he insisted on taking me home himself because he felt it would be safer. He dropped me off, and that was it. We spoke for a few days afterward, but I did not develop feelings for him. In fact, I didn’t like the idea of being linked with someone whose family my own family already knew. That is simply not something I see myself doing, and I never intended to pursue a relationship with him. My boyfriend eventually found out that I had gone on a cinema date with another man. He became extremely upset and told his friends about it. I didn’t feel the need to apologize because I felt that apologizing would not change the fact that I went on the date, and I also felt his reaction was completely disproportionate considering his own history of cheating on me. Eventually, I told my boyfriend that I wanted to break up. I wasn’t leaving him for the other man.
I didn’t even like that man and had no intention of dating him. I simply felt like I wanted to be alone. After six years of being in this relationship and constantly dealing with cheating, I felt exhausted and wanted some peace. However, we have gone through a lot of back and forth since then. The biggest issue now is that my boyfriend insists that I cheated on him and wants me to apologize and admit that I cheated. I refuse to call it cheating. I acknowledge that going on a date with another man while I was still technically in a relationship was wrong, and I accept responsibility for that. But I do not believe that going to a cinema, talking to someone, watching a movie, accepting financial help, and being dropped home is equivalent to having a s€xual affair. What makes it even harder for me is that he has actually slept with other women during our relationship. I caught him cheating three times, and there may have been other women I never knew about. I forgave him repeatedly, yet I have never slept with another man apart from him.
So I feel deeply hurt that he now wants me to accept the label of “cheater” because I went on one cinema date. I also feel like he may have already told his friends a distorted version of what happened, making it seem as though I had an affair or slept with another man. I don’t know exactly what he told them, and that bothers me because I feel like my reputation within his circle has already been affected. I blocked the man I went on the cinema date with because my boyfriend insisted that I do so, and I have no interest in pursuing anything with him anyway. At this point, I honestly just want to be alone. I feel like sooner or later my boyfriend may leave me because he has convinced himself that I cheated. I’m also afraid that he may eventually use this situation as an excuse to cheat again, saying that I cheated first or that I hurt him, even though what happened was not equivalent to the repeated infidelity I have forgiven from him. The hardest part is that I still love my boyfriend deeply. Six years is a very long time, and I am not used to being with anyone else.
I don’t have many friends, and the thought of being alone or eventually having to build a relationship with another man is genuinely painful and frightening to me. At the same time, I am beginning to question whether love is enough to sustain this relationship. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who repeatedly cheats on me while I remain completely faithful to him. I also don’t want to live in fear that he will cheat again or constantly use this cinema date against me. So now I’m stuck between two things: I love this man very much, but I don’t know if I can trust him enough to build a future with him. I don’t know what the future of this relationship holds, and I don’t know whether staying means continuing a cycle of cheating, forgiveness, suspicion, and resentment, or whether I should finally choose to be alone and build my life without him.
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