I recently turned 27, and like many people at this stage of life, I’ve been reflecting deeply on love, commitment, and what truly matters in a relationship. A few weeks ago, I asked my long-time girlfriend a simple but meaningful question: “Do you love me?” Her response caught me off guard. She said, “Love doesn’t really matter in a relationship. Whether it’s there or not, it doesn’t determine the success of a marriage. What matters is respect and peace of mind, love will fall into place.” At first, I tried to understand her point of view. But the more I thought about it, the more unsettled I felt. I’ve been in two serious relationships before this one. Those women respected me, were loyal, and gave me peace of mind. But I didn’t love them. I couldn’t force it. And I knew it would be unfair to stay, so I walked away, not because they weren’t good to me, but because they deserved someone who loved them fully. So when the woman I truly love tells me that love doesn’t matter, it’s hard to accept. We’ve had our ups and downs like any couple. But whenever we have a disagreement, she quickly tells me I don’t give her peace of mind.
It’s confusing, especially when we had been laughing and enjoying each other’s company just the day before. How does one disagreement suddenly erase all the good days? She says respect is more important than love. But the truth is, I don’t feel respected. She often talks to me harshly, says hurtful things, and insults me. One particular pattern that’s hard to ignore is how she reacts when she’s angry: I can’t even touch her. The moment I try, she shouts at the top of her voice, as though I’m the enemy. It’s painful to be treated like that by someone you love. Still, I forgive her. I always have. There was a time she was emotionally involved with a guy at her workplace. I caught her texting him, and even discovered that she had kissed him in his car. One day, she had a mood swing, and I blamed myself. I thought I had done something wrong. I even took her out to lift her spirits. Later, I found out it wasn’t about me at all. The guy had ignored her that day, and that’s what had affected her mood. Imagine loving someone deeply, and they’re down because another man didn’t text them.
She’s also criticized me for being “childish” just because I’m playful and goofy around her. That part of me is how I show affection. It’s how I make the relationship light and joyful. But instead of appreciating it, she ridicules it. There was also a time she bought some items and lied about it. I found them later and asked why she hid them. She often hides her money from me, though I’ve never asked her for a dime. And the few rare times I did borrow money, I paid it back within 12 hours. I’m not after her money. I never have been. And I’ve been seriously considering proposing to her. But now I am doubting.
Also read: My Self Centred And Narcissistic Ex