I need advice urgently because this has been going on for years and now it’s affecting my academics, peace of mind, and future. I’m a university student, and since 300 level, one of my lecturers—someone who teaches my core courses—has been calling me his “wife.” He says it casually in front of other lecturers and my classmates, as if it’s a normal joke. But it’s more than words. He has told me he doesn’t want to see me with any guy, told other lecturers that he’s already paid part of my bride price, asked for my dad’s number (I refused), asked for my pictures (I refused), and sometimes even takes my phone, asks me to unlock it, and goes through it—like he’s checking if I’m recording him. Recently, my results came out and I got a D in his course. This shocked me because I prepared well, wrote so much, and it was one of the easiest courses for me. I even took a similar elective and scored a B there. The topics were basically the same. I went to his office to ask about my grade. Instead of explaining, he said I wasn’t “serious with him” and that I was “far from him,” referencing a time during the holidays when I stopped replying to his chats.
He told me to come back the next day to go to the ICT department to check, but never brought out my script. I didn’t push for it because in my school, asking for your script is like challenging the lecturer, and that can backfire badly. When I was in his office that day, my friend kept calling because I was taking too long. Each time, he told me to pick the call and hand him my phone so he could tell her we were having “family talk.” He then mentioned he stays alone and his wife isn’t around. He also warned me that in 500 level, he’ll be handling two of my core courses and will “make sure I don’t slip out of his hands.” During the holiday, he texted to ask if I had gone home. When I said yes, he questioned why I didn’t tell him first. Today, he messaged again asking after my family, then said, “No more studying for you, you’re enjoying your holiday. Your husband cares.” I ignored that part but responded to his other comments. He called my attention back to it, saying I hadn’t replied to that line. I finally said, “I will,” and he replied, “I said your husband.” I laughed it off with, “Lol, you like teasing too much sir.
Let’s focus on me passing this interview first.” He then asked, “Teasing, how?”—I haven’t replied. I’m mentally drained. I’ve been crying about it. I don’t think I can tell my dad because he’s a lawyer and might react strongly, which could make things messy since this lecturer is also a law lecturer and they could twist the story. Plus, this is a private school. What would you do if you were me? I’m scared of him affecting my grades further, but also scared of how far this could go.
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