Good evening sir/ma, please bear with me, I’m really overwhelmed right now and I just need to let this out before I completely break down. I’ll be 20 next year, but instead of looking forward to life, I’m drowning in sadness. Deep, painful sadness. I have no one, no single friend I can open up to. No family. I’m an orphan. I had just one elder brother. We were only two, just me and him. Sadly, he died in 2023 in a tragic accident. Before he passed, he always told me he had a daughter, though I never met her because of the distance between us. But after his death, his baby mama suddenly came and abandoned the little girl with me. Since then, I’ve been the only one caring for her, paying her school fees, feeding her, taking care of her every need. She’s just 4 years old now. And in case you’re wondering how I manage to afford it, the truth is I’m into yahoo (internet fraud). I’ve saved up over ₦65 million of my personal money. No boyfriend. No friends. Just me and this little girl. But mentally, I’m breaking. What really shattered me was finding out last year that I’m hepatitis B positive.
I’ve been terrified ever since, afraid that I might die, and then who would take care of this child? I’m literally all she has in the world. I don’t even know how I got the virus. I told my ex-boyfriend and we both went to the lab together to get tested. Thankfully, he tested negative. We had broken up earlier due to Rhesus factor incompatibility, but we’re still on good terms. Right now, I’m on multivitamins to support my liver. My viral load is low, less than 30, but that doesn’t stop the fear and confusion. I’ve become completely isolated. The loneliness, the fear, and the depression are slowly eating me alive. Some days I feel like I’m not going to make it, not from the illness, but from the weight of everything I’m carrying alone. And sometimes, I think about the future… Will I ever get married? Will anyone love me or accept me with this condition? Will I ever have children of my own? People might say, “Just focus on school,” but I can’t, not right now. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted. And the worst part is, I have no one to talk to about it. I’m tired. I’m honestly so tired.
Also read: I’m Missing My Husband