My heart is heavy. I have never been this stuck in my lifetime. Knowing where I was coming from as a young boy, I’ve always been ambitious and I have always wanted to be a better man. Growing up, I had goals and dreams of what I wanted to become, but there was no finance to bring these dreams alive. So in 2018/2019, I gained admission into the university. I worked nights to assist myself and relieve the burden a bit on my sister, who was my sponsor. Along the line, I stopped working in the club. I knew how the Nigerian system works—after struggling to make it through school, you start struggling again to get jobs. I wanted a breakthrough—something to set me up for life, so I could create jobs and be self-employed. Then I made a wrong decision. I went into cyber fraud and I left home to face the street. Almost five to six years into it and I had nothing to show for it. I tried everything humanly possible so it could be productive All these years, I’ve been consistent, but I only had serious casualties that could have ended my life several times. But I took it as part of the hustle. I was still pushing. I gave everything inside of me, but every year remained the same or it even got worse.
Until a few months ago, I decided to come back home because I really can’t continue living that way. I had lost my spark in different ways. I was full of life and energy. Now I don’t even know how to socialize or even communicate anymore. You know how it feels when it seems like you don’t add any value, not just to yourself but also to your loved ones around you. A man feels happy and satisfied at least when you’re able to sort things and take care of certain responsibilities. Right now, it’s more like I am only existing and not living. I know life has its ways and teaches—you either learn the easy way or otherwise. I can say it’s better to learn some lessons through people’s mistakes than having to go through it yourself. I’ve been going through series of depression but I keep fighting every day not to be consumed. I even moved to another city for a year, which made me backslide in school and I had a spillover. Though I’ve sorted some things out, I haven’t been able to finish up with my clearance so I could go for NYSC.
Also read: Should I Move On Or Stay?