Growing up, marriage was never part of my plan. If it ever happens, fine — but I’ve never seen it as a goal. Watching how complicated and messy many marriages are, I decided early on that traditional marriage might not be for me. Losing my mom only made that feeling stronger. But if I am ever to get married, I’ve come to realize that I’m more drawn to a polygamous setup than a monogamous one. Coming from a strong Muslim background where many of my aunties were second or third wives, it doesn’t feel strange to me. I’ve also always been more attracted to married men — especially older ones. I’ve only dated one though, and we were together for four years. I like the secrecy, the thrill of being someone’s private piece, and the peace that comes with knowing your role and staying in your lane. I never once tried to disrupt his home. I don’t chase attention or drama — I keep things discreet and respectful. Maybe it has something to do with daddy issues. I never had a close relationship with my dad. But I genuinely love older men. Nothing over 42 though, and nothing below 33 (I’m 22), but I just find them more mature, responsible, and grounded than the average single young guy, who often just wants to play games, lie, or be a “fine boy.” I love older men because they play a fatherly role. I love how they treat you like a spoilt child. So, if I’m to ever change my mind about marriage, I know I’d rather be someone’s third wife, preferably to a Muslim man — an Alhaji — who already understands polygamy. I’d love to just be kept. Be a trophy wife — pampered, loved, and secured. I am not even sure I want kids. I’ll be doing it mostly for companionship and security. I also don’t want to be married to a man I’ll be living with or seeing every day. So my best bet is polygamy. I’m even open to converting to Islam — not just for the man, but because it reflects a life and background I deeply connect with. I know this might sound unconventional, maybe even shocking to some. But I’m putting it out there because I really want to hear other perspectives. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is there something deeper I’m not seeing? Or is it okay to want a life that simply looks different from what society expects? I’d love to hear your thoughts — especially if you’ve been in a similar situation or understand where I’m coming from. Please be kind. This is me being vulnerable, and I’m genuinely seeking insight.
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