I’m 37 years and I’ve been married for seven years. My wife, the absolute love of my life, has given me two beautiful daughters, but I’m an Igbo man and we always need a son to carry on. Although before I got married to my wife, we dated for three years and she had a series of miscarriages before we had our daughters. Four years ago, when my wife was pregnant with our last child, I decided to get another small girl by the corner. My wife has been complaining that I’m moving fishy, but I’ll just tell her it’s a bluff. Last year, I decided to call off the relationship with my side chick and tell my wife that I wanted a son, so I bought two cars—one for my wife and one for my side chick. I got the car for my side chick to compensate for the four years she has spent with me and to tell her to move on because I love my wife. The night I gave the cars to both women, I almost had a heart attack when they posted each other and congratulated themselves. I found out later that she was just a customer to my wife. The day I decided to tell my side chick it’s over, she told me she was pregnant and because I was looking for a son,
I couldn’t tell her to abort it. I told her to keep it. My heart was breaking for my wife because I know fully that I am what I am because of her. I later summoned courage to tell my wife and I started the conversation with “because you can’t give me a son,” which I know was wrong. I told her I got someone pregnant and wanted to marry her. My wife didn’t argue with me but I could see from her eyes she was broken. When I went to marry my side chick, who is now my second wife, my first wife followed me. She was laughing with my siblings and my mom. After the wedding, she left our room for the side chick. I decided to buy the other house opposite the one we currently stayed in for my second wife so my first wife wouldn’t be uncomfortable. After I bought the house, my first wife asked to move to the new house with our daughters, which I agreed to because I was still at her mercy and I felt bad for her. My second wife gave birth to a boy by March this year, but the issue is my first wife. I overheard a voice note she sent to her best friend from her husband saying she was heartbroken and she didn’t deserve all this,
and a second voice note saying the reason she decided to leave the house we built together was because it was too hard for her to cope in the house after all she has done for our family. I understand her pain very well, but now she has refused me touching her. She’s still my wife after all. Whenever I try to touch her, she will tell me she’s not interested or she’ll carry our daughters and put them in the middle. I have tried making amends. I have gotten her different types of gifts—everything women like—but she keeps returning the gifts back. My first wife has a big booming business of her own; she’s not broke. But before, whenever I sent her money, she was always happy. Now, if I send her money, she sends it back. The only money she collected from me was for the girls’ upkeep. When I called my mom to talk to her to at least let me sleep with her because it’s my right, she behaved as if we didn’t have an issue and I was making things up, making me seem like a fool. The day my mom talked to her, she said okay. In the night, she wore pants and I could see the stained pad from the night.
I even tried to force her and she just laid there on the bed. The thing wasn’t sweet so I had to come down because there was no emotion from her. On numerous times, she will tell me to go meet my new wife, but my wife since I married her, she tires me. I was with her for the fun but now she irritates me. She even begs me to touch her; it just doesn’t feel like my first love, my wife. Whenever my first wife leaves the house, I’m always wondering what she’s up to or doing. I miss her. I miss what I had before. I’m having a feeling this woman wants to leave. I don’t want her to leave. And if I tell the second woman to leave, she might want to go with my son, which I’ll never accept. And even if the second woman leaves, my first wife won’t take care of the boy. Please advise me.