In 2018, I met this tall, beautiful girl when I went back for my HND. She was in NDII then, so we started talking, and along the line, she left her then-boyfriend and came to me. She complained that her boyfriend was too harsh and very stingy, that he didn’t care for her, and didn’t prioritize her. So, gradually, we became a thing and started a relationship. Fast forward to the end of the session, and everyone went home. After about three months, because it was a long holiday, one morning she called me and told me she was pregnant for me. I was like, “How? And you’re just telling me now since we left school?” We planned to ab0rt, but it was already too late. I had to summon the courage to tell my parents because I was destabilized at the moment. Fast forward, we went to see her people. After that, she had the baby in 2019. I was in my finals then, and all the mental stress was already showing on my face. My course advisor had to call me, asking what was happening because my GP dropped. I explained to him, and he encouraged me to be a man and not let the situation weigh me down.
After graduation, I was planning to go for my NYSC in Delta State. Both of us were not in good terms; we were just managing each other. I traveled to Delta, and we were the Corona corpers. They sent us back home from camp, so I went back home and was alone during the lockdown. After all the scenarios, I went back, finished serving, and came back to Lagos to job hunt. I had a responsibility to cater for. She and I were just having an on-and-off relationship. She later went back for her HND and dropped my baby with my mom. Towards the end of her program, I discussed with her concerning us, that I wanted her to have her NYSC in the Southwest so we could finalize things and move on with our family. She’s a very stubborn person and believes in her ego (na Ibadan girl). She insisted that she wanted to go to the northern states. I told her I had people who would work on her deployment to Lagos or Ogun State, but she refused. One day, she just called me, saying she had been posted to Kaduna. I was heartbroken, sort of, but I just waved it off and congratulated her. We were not really cool at this time, till she traveled for camp.
I was not really having much, so I only gave her a token. She knows I’m very kind—I give to her a lot when I have. When she was in Kaduna, she met another guy from camp who was taking care of her and pampering her. This was around November. In December, she came home. We met, had intimacy, and spoke about me having mental health issues and stress—that I needed space. But she couldn’t understand. I was not breaking up, but I didn’t know how to put it to her. I was going through a lot at that time. That’s even more reason I wanted her close, not far away in the North. She left, and in January, I told her I wanted a break from the relationship. Families called—hers, mine—asking what her offense was. A lot of persuasion, but it was final. I was told she broke down and was in the hospital for two weeks. This guy from camp, the one taking care of her, was with her all through. After the incident, they started dating. Fast forward, she had a nice time in Kaduna with the guy. He had a car, took care of her, and a lot of good s€x went down.
Shockingly, in just ten months of their so-called relationship, she ab0rted two pregnancies for this guy. Towards the end of her NYSC, the guy started sleeping around, and the attention started reducing. She confronted him and accused him of cheating. When she finally left Kaduna, a girl messaged her, saying she was the one enjoying her boyfriend now. They had an intense argument and broke up. She came to Lagos to check on her child at my mom’s place. We spoke a bit. She took her child for the holidays, and when she brought her back, we had a long conversation about making things work again. During this period, my daughter gave me her mom’s password. I checked her phone and saw everything that happened in Kaduna. Shockingly, while she was in Lagos, she also went back to her ex from school days to pass the night, and the guy gave her h**d. But I don’t have the right to touch her? I saw all of this, gathered all the evidence on my phone, and when she left, I told her I could overlook her past, that we both had pasts. But she was proving difficult.
Later, she sobered up and said I was guilt-tripping her and emotionally blackmailing her—that her mental health was at stake. Later, we discussed everything and decided to have a new beginning. But ever since we started on a clean slate, I noticed I was the only one putting in too much effort, showing love, acting like mumu. Then something happened today. We had planned on having a discussion two weeks ago, but she said we should have it this weekend. I reminded her this morning, but she didn’t respond. About two hours later, I called her. She said she was doing something and would call me back when she was done—but she never did. In the evening, I sent her a voice note asking why she was behaving like that, avoiding the discussion by claiming she was busy. I wasn’t happy, and I let her know. She just replied, “I’m avoiding? Claiming busy? Ok.” And that was all. I sent another voice note expressing myself, saying, “What kind of attitude is this? Is this how we want the relationship to work?
And you say you want to get married?” Naso she finished me with 15 paragraphs and a 3-minute voice note, telling me I should stop acting like I’m doing her a favor by wanting to marry her. That it’s not by force, that she’s not that old (she’s 27) and she’s good-looking, and that she didn’t force me to come back to her. She really said a lot. Now, I’m confused. Is she worth all the effort I’m putting in? Or should I just let bygones be bygones? I need your sincere advice. Thank you.
Also Read: I Miss My Man