I grew up in a family where taking care of someone is not a big deal because my dad was everything before he passed. He never let my siblings and me lack, despite not being really wealthy, but he did his best. Now I am in a relationship with someone whose parents did not take care of him. A person who struggled to take care of himself and his siblings although his parents are alive. Now I want him to treat me even better than how my parents treated me and he is finding it difficult. He is caring though, but he is scared of spending money on me. But when his siblings ask for money, he delivers, but he will cook up stories for me. I am now the understanding girlfriend. During December, he will send his mum money and tell me he is broke, and he will ask me to use my money to get my stuff for myself, that when he has it he will send it to me. This has been going on for years and he will not send it back. It is awkward for me to tell him not to take care of his mum and siblings. He always has important excuses for me. I was going through his chat with his siblings and I saw a lot of payment receipts he has been sending to his siblings, but when it comes to me there is always an important excuse.
Either he wants to pay his sister and brother’s school fees, or his house rent is due, or he does not have. I got pregnant and he said we were not financially stable. His brother took us to where I could abort the baby. My boyfriend paid for everything. Days rolled by and I was bleeding. We went to the hospital and the doctor prescribed medicines to stop the bleeding. We left the hospital. In the evening, my boyfriend sent me money to get the medicines. On my way to the medicine store, I saw a three-minute voice note from my boyfriend’s elder brother saying I have been stressing my boyfriend since I did abortion, that I am not the first girl to do it, that a lot of girls have aborted for him and he sent them home after the abortion and they did not stress him, that I should go and take care of myself, that my boyfriend’s mental health is drained. I cried and forwarded the message to my boyfriend. It led to a serious fight between him and his elder brother. I wanted to call my family and tell them what has been going on, but he pleaded with me. He was taking care of me after I healed, then he started his stingy behaviour again. I tried confronting him.
He said if he was not saving, how would he have catered for me during the abortion phase, and now I am billing him. I asked him to tell his mum and siblings to stop billing him since he is saving money. It led to an argument and we settled. I am tired of teaching a man how to take care of a woman because my brothers are not stingy to their girlfriends. I have used many feminine ways to make this guy act right, but no way. I became toxic to see if he would change, no way. What do I do?
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