I have been dating a 36-year-old for over a year now, and honestly, it has been one issue after another. The first four months were traumatic, but we started getting along over time. At first, he didn’t tell me he had three kids, and when I found out months later, he said he didn’t know how to tell me as we were not close. But the man was always cheating, cheating with different ladies and all. He had like two other girls he was seeing at that time we were together, but I found out later. He said he left them in respect for me and didn’t want to hurt me. He had an issue, and I stood by him, running helter-skelter for him. But what did I get at the end of everything? He said, what have I done that no woman has done before? It’s because I was the only one aware of it, and if other girls were aware, they would have stood by him too. So, I did nothing special. Every time he says he drives good cars, has a nice house, goes to a nice gym, looks good, and has a nice body, he claims he can get any girl he wants.
He always says no girl can reject him, he has everything a lady wants, but he respects me. He is so rude, proud, manipulative, and a narcissistic gaslighter. Everything was going fine between us, though I knew he was talking to other girls. I knew he hadn’t seen anyone recently, so I was cool, but he would tell me I was the only girl he had sex with this year because he respects me and doesn’t want to hurt me. Even his friends say I did something to him because he isn’t seeing other people, but he refused to hurt me. How many men would do that? Recently, he accused me of going through his phone, but I didn’t. I tried convincing him, but he said I was manipulating, gaslighting, and threatening him. He is not a coward He is smart. I spoiled something he worked on blah blah, but I did not go through his phone. We kept going back and forth for three weeks, and he said he was done. He doesn’t trust me, and he is not capable, but I kept begging. I went to his house to beg properly, and he asked if I went through his phone.
I said no, but I have made attempts, though I don’t know his password. He said he was going to punish me, and I have to bring him a girl to have fun with. I got home that day and started talking to someone else. Three days after, he called me again to come. I went and we settled. I showed him something on my phone and I guess he saw the message the guy sent to me because when he gave back my phone it was read, and I hadn’t seen it yet. He returned my phone, went out, came back, and said, “If I have never said I love you before, it doesn’t mean I don’t. My actions say it all. You are the only girl I introduced my kids to and I told you to love them like they are yours. I share my dreams with you because I want us together forever. You mean everything to me.” After the conversation, I was going to block the person I was talking to, but he got to my phone before me and saw a locked chat. He asked me to open it.
He read it and didn’t speak to me until the next day. I was begging and all. It didn’t move him at all. I went to his mum and brother to help me beg him. He did not listen to them, though he unblocked me. He said, “Do you think involving my family will change anything? You are a bastard, you are a bitch. So, because I want to f**k, you were telling a stranger my secret. God will punish you” Though everyone blamed me for telling his secret to someone I don’t even know because we met online, I apologized. I made a mistake. I was just hurt that I wasn’t appreciated and respected. He told me within this short time this happened he has explored. He has done a lot. All this while he felt caged and now, he is out of it, he doesn’t want a relationship. He likes his freedom. He even talked to his friends about what happened. All of them said I am a bad person, and he should not take me back. That’s why it is not good to help a woman. The thing is, he is a nice person. He wants the best for me. He always wants me to grow.
The business I run today he advised me into it. But he goes around saying, “Oh, he made me who I am today. All the clothes I wear he got them for me. I owe him everything I have.” See, I really appreciate this man, but he contributed N100k when I wanted to start up because he really did not have then. He has told me before, “I am not his responsibility. His kids are his only responsibility and his family,” and I appreciated it, but he feels like the money he gave me was what I used to start up. Honestly, I used the money for something else and three months later took a loan of N300k from my dad to start. Any little thing, he will say, “Oh, the reason why I established you is because I don’t want you to be asking me always. So just know that any money that comes from the business is from me and anything you get from the profit you make, I automatically got it for you. I can as well be in charge of the business revenue and put you on salary, but I don’t want that.”
But I can’t even tell him that I didn’t use his money for the business because I don’t want to bruise his ego. But since I started, I never rest. Every time, “I made you. I did this. I did that.” Back to the issue on the ground, I’m still begging, but he is not ready to forgive. He wants space. Even if he wants to punish me, he doesn’t know how many girls I will bring to him. He might tell me to be bringing girls every day for one month before he forgives me. Then he went, “You know what? I give you two days to come with one of your friends, but it doesn’t mean I will forgive you Oh but come with one.” But I cannot. It is not possible, and he said I should forget about it and he still won’t forgive me. I want to move on, but a part of me still wants my baby. But I know even if we settle, sooner or later we would go our separate ways because I can’t just deal with him. But I love him. It is just heartbreaking that I stayed single for five years after my ex and found myself in something like this, and I was very careful, but it is well. I guess I am just scared of starting again. That’s why I still want to be with him.
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