I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years plus because it was a t0xic relationship. I called it t0xic because I was never happy. He never laid his hands on me, but I was emotionally abu$€d. I literally begged to be loved. I begged to be cared for. We argued over every little thing, mundane things. I tried as much as I can to avoid arguments. I always apologized just to let sleeping dogs lie. At times, he sees he’s really at fault. Instead of apologizing, he’d start sending me clothes, shoes, and bags to ask if I liked them. When we settle the argument, that’s the end. He never gets any of it. He made my feelings invalid. I started feeling not good enough at a point (still do). I started seeing myself as the problem.
I made excuses for his actions and blamed myself for them. I cried in the relationship more than my entire life. I enjoy being alone now because even if I went to his place, he doesn’t talk to me. I’ll start asking if he’s fine or if I did something wrong. I detached before I finally broke up, but it’s affecting me. I can’t seem to love anyone anymore. I don’t want anyone in my space anymore. I lie to my friends who want to come visiting or ask me to come over just to be on my own. I see anyone telling me about love as a liar because even after reassurance, I don’t believe whatsoever they’re saying. I’m damaged. 😭
Also Read: She Thinks Only Women Should Be Cared For