I’m in a tight spot. I’m a first daughter and my relationship with my mother is not strong. My dad died when I was very young. My mom doesn’t like to keep friends because she doesn’t trust people. My mom is also a very supportive woman. The issue now is I don’t have that typical mother-daughter closeness with her, which she always complains about. I don’t like having conversations with her or “gisting” with her. I don’t do this intentionally. I tried to build that relationship once, but it failed. Anytime I tell her personal things, she uses them against me. One time she asked if I had a boyfriend. I was scared to tell her I did because I know how she does. She convinced me to and told me I was old enough, so I opened up. I regret doing that till now. Anytime we have an argument, which is very often, she always says things like: “Is it because you have a boyfriend you think you’re now grown up?” For context, I’m 21. I think I’m old enough to have a boyfriend. This is just a case scenario. This experience has happened many times, so I just stopped telling her things totally.
My younger sister is closer to her. She’s 19 and has a boyfriend, but my mom has no problem with her. During holidays, I don’t go back home because it’s toxic for me. I cry almost every day at home, but my sister wants to go back home every weekend (her uni is closer to our house). My mom called me recently and she was sad. She told me she didn’t like it that I always distanced myself from home. I think she even cried. It made me feel bad. I don’t know what to do. If I decide to be open with her, she’ll use it against me as she always does, and I don’t want that. But I don’t like it when she’s unhappy. Please what can I do?
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