My last relationship ended in Jan 2023. It was an abusive relationship where I got beaten and all. Most times, he ignored me for days, claiming he was busy, and seizing my phone. I bought the damn phone with my own money. He once threatened to break his laptop over my head. I could be sleeping, and the next thing I knew was his loud voice cursing me heavily. If I asked what was happening, he would say, ‘Why would a guy be admiring you?’ I was totally broken and traumatized beyond words. I was suicidal at some point. I couldn’t even speak up about what I was going through. I didn’t tell anyone. He later broke up with me because one of my coursemates asked me out. I didn’t even know, because I didn’t open the guy’s chat. He saw it while going through my phone. After he ended things, I got into another relationship a month later just to forget about him, because the pain was too much for me.
Three months into the new relationship, I realized that I was pregnant with my ex’s child. Omo! I was dumbfounded, and I’m not the type to hide things from my partner. I called him and told him the truth about the paternity. I had an ab0rtion, and my new guy knew about it. Before my last relationship ended, I took a loan of N400k with my daddy’s details for my ex. I have been taking loans from the app to boost my business, and I always return them before they’re due. That’s why I got qualified for N400k (I know I’m stupid). He paid N200k before we broke up and told me he was not paying anything else. At first, I was disturbing him and crying over the phone for my money because the loan app started calling my dad. Oh, Jesus. Two months passed, and my ex refused to pay, claiming he was broke. My new boyfriend told me to let go of the money since it was obvious that he was not paying, and I listened.
At this point, the app reduced the way they call, and I thought everything was all gone. I blocked my ex completely. Jokes on me. Around May 2023, my dad wanted to apply for a microfinance loan at work, and he was denied because of the unpaid loan. I had to send an email to my ex to please return the money and the overdue interest. He agreed and started sending the money bit by bit, days of N20k, N50k, and N80k until he completed the payment. It took him over two months, and I never informed my boyfriend that I went back to collect my money. Only for my ex to start confessing love to me again. I turned him down and blocked him everywhere possible. I didn’t hide this from my boyfriend. Eleven months into my new relationship when the coast was clear, no ex disturbing me and I was cool, only for this guy to send me a message with a new and unknown number texting and begging me to please date him again. My new guy saw it and broke up with him.
He said he was not the cause of my misfortune and made mention of the ab0rtion I had months back for my ex. He said I had an ab0rtion for my ex while I was with him, and he broke up. I was fond of telling him everything about my family and all, how I was ill-treated growing up. He used all these things to insult me before parting ways. I don’t even know how to feel. I was already happy in my new relationship, and I had no intention of being dishonest. I feel so guilty. It’s been five months since the relationship ended, and I’m contemplating reaching out to my new guy who’s now ex, to beg for his forgiveness for any way I might have wronged him. I wanted to leave the money for my ex, as my boyfriend said, but if you know how terrible loan apps can be, I could not ignore the harassment. I thought I could start my life afresh with someone else, but I’m back to square one. I’m already in pain and regret as it is. Everything is just too much for me to handle.
Yes, I know that I was stupid all this journey of my life so far. I know that I will be bashed and insulted by everyone because I have no excuse to justify my actions. I shouldn’t have jumped into another relationship immediately, but I was becoming depressed. I had nobody to talk to, I had nothing except alcohol. It was he|| for me. I could not eat for days, and that was when I had an ulcer. I chose to ab0rt the pregnancy because I knew how t0xic my ex was. He even denied the pregnancy at some point. It was a long-distance relationship, so I didn’t really know his behavior deeply. I had always known him to be someone with a great personality, but not until he showed this side of him when I spent three weeks with him. The new guy I dated, now ex, when we started, I told him the entire thing about my life and my past relationship. He could have left from the beginning because I didn’t hide the smallest information about my life from him.
I see him as someone I could totally confide in. He met me at the lowest point of my life. He helped me become happier, and I totally forgot about how I was maltreated by my ex, and he chose to stay despite knowing my story, only for this guy to leave me because of these things again. I begged him because I had no one else. He said, ‘Sha no craze.’ I’m totally tortured beyond words. I have been praying, and the only thing coming out of my mouth is, ‘God, please help me.’ Ah! I don’t wish this kind of pain on my enemy. Some days I feel motivated and just leave these things behind me, and some days I just break down with no idea what to do. I don’t have anyone I do talk to aside from him, and now he is gone. Where did I go wrong? God sees my heart. Such a messy life!
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