I was a young, vibrant girl of 22 when I met him. I had just moved to a new city and there he was, almost like I had known him my whole life. He was the love of my life, or so I thought. We got talking while I was in a relationship with a chronic cheat. The distance and the fact that I saw someone who I thought would treat me better made me overwhelmed, so I broke up with him and started a relationship with this new guy. The first ten months, I thought I had found the one. We argued like normal couples do, but he always found a way to apologise and make it work, so did I. He was my first s€xual encounter, he deflowered me, and sometimes I feel it’s because of that I still feel attached. I introduced him to my family, both immediate and extended. There was a time we both went for lunch and I told him about a friend who I knew liked me and had known me for three years, who wanted to see me but was using the guise of patronising me. I showed him the text, not knowing it would make him angry. He reacted to the emojis, saying I was flirting with the smiling and heart emoji. He broke up with me and blocked me. I used my other line to call and apologise and promised to block the guy.
Eventually, we came back. Another time, I found out he invited a girl to his house by going through his phone, and a lot of other talks with different girls, and it broke me. I ended up telling him that he made me stop replying to my male friends and even new people that chatted me up, but he was texting lots of women online. We fell out really badly and it was my birthday period. People chatted me up and I decided to reply my DMs and make new friends. He found out by going through my phone and got angry. We eventually settled the matter. I am saying all this because it will matter later in my story. Months passed and it was the eleventh month of our relationship. I decided to pay him a surprise visit and found out he had his ex over. I was broken. I couldn’t believe he could do such to me. I cried my eyes out that day and hurried home. He eventually came to beg me but I disagreed. I poured my heart out to my sister and she begged me to forgive him, saying the fact that I showed him I could easily leave him for cheating would make him rethink. I chose to go back. Weeks passed and we had another argument about the ex.
I begged him to block her because she would always reach out to him knowing he had a girlfriend, but he disagreed and was ready to let our relationship go. I should have seen the red flag, but after a conversation with my cousin, I stayed. I wouldn’t stop bringing it up in any argument we had because I was hurt and my whole heart wanted to trust fully and love fully. I eventually found out he had something he wanted to do with another girl and that broke the camel’s back because I couldn’t control my anger anymore. I screamed, shouted, insulted him, and he did the same, saying it was my fault for going through his phone. I cried to the extent that I stopped breathing. The heartache was a lot for me to bear. I asked him if it was an open relationship he wanted and he said no. We broke up for two weeks, but I know how heavy it was on my heart. Somehow, he eventually came back and I received him with open arms. He was planning to leave the country a week later, so why wouldn’t I forgive the love of my life, even though I know I was foolish for saying this. We kissed our goodbyes and cried at the airport after exchanging beautiful texts about our unborn babies.
The first month of long distance was nice, but from the second month, he changed. I was doing all the calls and texts, still helping him manage some business here in Nigeria. I tried to avoid arguing over the phone as much as possible because when we did, we ended up not talking for two weeks and I would still be the first to reach out. Many times, I stayed on my own wondering if he still cared. He showed me many times that he didn’t, but I still found reasons to stay. After seven months, he came back and you could see the happiness in me that whole week as I anticipated seeing him. I told all my family and friends. I couldn’t wait to hug him even though I knew deep within that something would be off and we wouldn’t last till December. He hadn’t stayed with me for a week when he said he had a business to sort out in Lagos. A day before his trip, I saw a handbag and an iPad and jokingly asked him. He waved it off, but I was sad. He left for Lagos and we didn’t talk for four days. During that time, a male friend invited me to an arcade and I agreed because I couldn’t stay home overthinking. An old family friend also reached out and we got talking.
When he asked if I had a boyfriend, I regretfully said no. After my ex came back, I returned to him fully. Not up to a week later, I found out he was with the same ex again. That broke me completely. After many incidents, shouting, begging, and being blamed, I eventually left. It has been over a month now and my heart still bleeds, but not like before. I am putting this out here to beg you ladies to put yourself first. Men are selfish and do not care about your feelings or what you have both been through. Always listen to your instincts and please leave once you see any red flag that does not sit right with you.
Also Read:Â God Is In Control