My life has fallen really fast and I’m losing my mind as each day passes. I am 23 years old this year and I already feel like a failure. 2024, I made a decision to sell my car and relocate to Lagos for a better and stable life, unlike the state I grew up in where little success is envied and dreams feels too big to accomplish. I’ve always dreamed of moving to Lagos to start life properly, but I kept waiting for the right time and for money to come in but it never came. Even when it does, I end up spending it on something else. I was into (street) at that time, money left as fast as it came in. I’ve always had a dream for music hence the reason why I felt like relocating to Lagos would be the best decision I could make as a young boy. But I got to realize that life don’t happen exactly how you plan it, after I am learning everyday. I moved to Lagos in 2025, started working out, home cooked meal, and honestly I felt peace unlike the slum I grew up in. But things didn’t work out as planned. Money stopped coming in. I couldn’t push my music without money. I felt so much burden, not from the bills but from the fact that I am not doing what I am supposed to.
I struggled so much that I couldn’t afford subscription at the gym. Not like I couldn’t really afford it but I had bills that are more important than the gym. I had a girlfriend who kept encouraging me through all of this and honestly she was the only person keeping me sane. Well she left eventually and I am okay with that. I can’t hold her back. I’m not selfish at all. Fast forward to the ending of 2025, my rent expired and I had absolutely nowhere to get money from. No help from family or friends. I’ve never been the type to ask for help financially so I just go through everything on my own. My rent expired and I had to move out of the apartment ‘cause management was on my neck. I packed all the stuffs I had and put them in a warehouse because I couldn’t get money anywhere for a new apartment. I moved back to my state to stay with my mum for a while until I find somewhere I could go and hustle just so I could try to get back on my feet. The worst feeling is returning to a place you left with nothing like the prodigal son in the Bible. But honestly these period of my life has been the hardest and I would never wish this on my worst enemy.
So I’ve been squatting with a friend in Lagos for almost a month now. I cry and pray to God almost every night because I would never have imagined myself being in this kind of situation. I put on a fake smile trying to hide the fact that my life is a mess right now. “God if this is a lesson you’re trying to teach me, I’m learning Lord. Let your will be done, and when it’s time for my redemption take me higher than my feet could ever wander.” Who am I to question you Lord? I am nobody. I honestly felt like the kind of life I was living wasn’t meant for me because I’ve had passion for music since I was a child. I started writing music before I entered secondary school. My dad knew I was talented. He promised to enroll me in a music school in Lagos but he never did. It made me stop and think about how my life would’ve been like if I had taken my music career seriously. I grew up around people that had no idea about music. Telling them about my passion for music would make me a laughing stock and I hid my talent for so long. I started writing music properly since 2022 and I can boldly say that I am really good.
Even during the situations I found myself in, my messed up head and mind, I still find a way to write good music. Music has been my passion for the longest and I feel like that is what I was made for and it’s what I should be doing. I’ve made mistakes in my life and I can boldly say I am learning from them everyday as I go on. I never had an elder brother, grew up around girls. Never had a father figure around. My dad left when I was 9. My mom only took me to stay with him for a while. It wasn’t long. I had to leave because of how badly I was treated by his new wife. I have always had to bottle things up and keep it to myself but not today. I’ve been following RantAndTalkz for 3 years now and I already see you all as family and I sincerely hope you all can see me as family as well and leave helpful advice and encouraging comments. No matter how hard life gets, I still find a way to remind myself that I am just a boy navigating life without a mentor, a father or even a brother unlike some people, and I’ve made mistakes.
I asked myself recently, is there something I’m really good at? What’s that one thing I’ve always had passion for and I know with intense learning as I go I can be the best? I realized it’s music. I just need a mentor, studio time and encouragement. I need to pour my heart out to you all the only way I know how. It took a lot of courage to finally put my feelings into words and I feel a little burden lifted off my shoulder. Thank God for Rants And Talkz. I’ll be in the comments reading and learning at the same time. Thank you.
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