When I was 8 years old, a new boy joined my class, his name is Faruq. It was like or love at first sight. I liked him, he’s brilliant, he’s good looking. We’re both in boarding house. He doesn’t talk much, but we talk. I didn’t tell him I liked him. Most of the time outside class I would run away from him. I think one time we were in a drama group together. We were classmates for almost 2 years and I left the school unprepared. I really had him in mind. I continued living and all, but I do remember him. When I finished primary school, before secondary school, I did summer lessons in another school. The first person I saw while they were leading me to my class was Faruq. I just called out loudly “Faruq.” He didn’t say anything. As I kept going to the lesson, I always saw him around but I hid. Sometimes we would see, I always avoided him. One time I was climbing stairs. As I saw him, I turned back and ran. Till we finished the lesson, we didn’t talk. Though by that time we were not classmates, he was one class ahead of me. So we finished the lesson. I didn’t know if we would meet again or not and I wasn’t chanced to do lessons there again. When I opened Facebook, I came across a comment that linked to his page, which he was the one.
I followed him and chatted him. My message was not really basic, trying to put him on guessing, but he blocked me. As I continued to live, I got him on Instagram. I used to stalk his story and posts. But in 2021 or 2022, I summoned courage to start following him. I chatted him and he replied—just greetings, hi and hello. My friend advised me not to bump into him to familiarise myself. I kept going that way. One day he tried to ask me if I went to a particular school where we met. I said yes. He didn’t mention me directly. All of a sudden he became busy and I always tried to reach out to build connection. Some days it would work, some it wouldn’t, so I stopped. In 2023, he wished me “happy birthday dear.” It was great. We’ve not had a deep conversation. He’s always inactive, which he said is because he comes to Instagram for relaxation. In 2024, I proceeded again to start talking to him. Before 2024 ended, I summoned the courage about how I’m feeling and to know if he has a girlfriend or is in a relationship, seeing anyone or not. He didn’t answer or reply. In 2024, I tried to ask him again. He didn’t reply. Around July in 2024, I asked him and since he didn’t reply but could read and see the message, I just blocked him.
I felt bad, terrible, and broken. It’s not like he’s the only man on earth, but I just think about him a lot and I like him. I don’t know why it’s like that. In May 2025, I started thinking about him again and unblocked him. From the time we met like 14 years ago and during those years, I used to think we would marry or be in a relationship. Now I’m so worried. I don’t have a boyfriend or a relationship, not like I can’t. I really want to be in one with a good person. But for Faruq, I don’t know why it is. I have prayed to Allah countless times—if he’s not for me, take it away from me. I want to be healed. This afternoon I was praying he should message me and call me himself. I can’t even tell anyone this is what is going on, but I don’t want to message him first. I really want to know if I’m truly rejected, like I should hear it in words. I want to know why he’s silent—if he’s in a relationship or he’s not interested now. I don’t know if he has left enough signs for me to know the answer. I asked myself—things have changed and I should also upgrade and not be stuck, like if I want to still be with the same him I knew from 2009. I will be in the comment section for your advice and comments.
Also read: My Love Life Is A Mess