I have been unable to cry for a week now since my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, not until yesterday when I went into a physical fight with a security man. I was badly triggered; life is dealing with me. My bf broke up with me on Friday last week. I have begged and cried; I know I did wrong and I take responsibility for that, but he wasn’t the innocent one either. My bf has been giving me signs that he was tired of the relationship, but there were no solid grounds for a breakup. I felt it; I tried to make things work. I felt him frustrating my efforts, steadily mentally abusing me, but I stayed, hoping and praying. I will be 29 in a few months. I have been asking my bf where this is going, and he was still saying, “Let’s see how it goes.” I discovered this time last year he was in another relationship. I got mad and demanded I needed a break. I couldn’t break up at once; I was so in love.
I needed to do it one step at a time, but he surrounded me with all the love he never gave me before, and I stayed. I wouldn’t say my friends didn’t warn me that even if all went well, he’s Igbo from Anambra and I’m not; he would never marry me. I still wouldn’t listen to them. Last year October, a few days before his birthday, I cooked, cleaned, and was at his house for three days, only to hear that he was traveling the next day, so I left. I called on his bday; he said he wasn’t back yet. A few minutes later, his friend posted him at his house, cutting his cake. I was so confused. That was the day I decided to start talking to other guys, and I have been talking to this particular guy since late last year; he isn’t based in the same town. Things got heated up, and we started sharing nudes. I never saw him physically. I dunno how, but my bf always had access to my phone, always going through my chats.
He found out about the nudes but didn’t confront me, he kept it as evidence for when I found him cheating. I confronted him, and we had a conversation. I started crying and explaining to him how this whole thing happened; he broke up with me. This wasn’t a good time because that same evening, I intended to discuss with him how work was not going well for me. I had lost two clients for land purchase, and how things were rough generally. The money I had in crypto investments was just dipping! I have begged for a week and stopped begging. I dunno how things went this way, but my mental health is so fucked up! I am pained because it had to be me who messed up. I was faithful throughout these three years. I have caught him twice with other women, but he had to use this as a way out. I admit I was wrong; it was a toxic space, and I hope I am brave enough to forgive myself. My life is a mess right now.
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