I graduated from uni last year, July. I schooled in Ogun State. While in school, I was dating my coursemate. The relationship really broke my heart. My ex didn’t care about the relationship. We never went on dates, there was no romance or any spark, but he is a nice person. I would always cry every time we had an argument. I saw all the red flags, but I ignored them, thinking he would change. Anyways, I got tired of always telling him what to do, and I fell out of love. I planned on breaking up with him last year, July, after our final year exams. I couldn’t bear seeing him every day.
I went home for holiday around April. Someone sent me a friend request on IG, and I accepted but didn’t really chat with the person—I find it tiring to make new friends. I sha responded to his texts one day, and we had a lovely conversation and vibed. We had a lot in common and stayed in the same location (Delta). I was honest with him that I was in a relationship, so we became friends.
We went on an ice cream date. There was no weird feeling. For the first time in a long time, I was actually genuinely happy. I went back to school around April for the second and final semester. He traveled out of the country and came back in June. I went to Lagos to see him before he headed back to Delta to resume work. We made out. It was sooo passionate, like I can’t even explain the feeling. I know it was bad because I hadn’t ended things officially with my boyfriend, but my boyfriend and I last had s£x in March before I went home for holiday. My boyfriend started suspecting me because I kept rejecting him, and my attitude towards him changed. He checked my phone and saw my conversations between me and my male friend, and he was very hurt. He actually cried, and that broke me. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I expected him to end things, but he refused, saying if he ends things, my male friend would win.
He texted my male friend, telling him, “My boyfriend saw our texts. Please let’s stop what we are doing.” My male friend just apologized. When I was alone, I later explained to my male friend what happened, but I was feeling bad about the whole situation. So I ended things with my boyfriend and distanced myself from everyone. You can say I got depressed. My male friend did try to bring back the vibe, but I was just feeling guilty. Fast forward to October, my male friend texted me again, as usual, checking up on me. But this time, he asked me what he did that made me change. I explained everything to him and how I was feeling. Even though I broke up with my boyfriend, I know no man will want to be with a lady that cheated on her boyfriend. I told my friend I couldn’t be his friend and also behave like we were in a relationship (sexual intercourse). I want someone who actually wants to be with me and love me the same way I’ll love him.
He told me he was sorry and wished me the best. It sounded like he was telling me goodbye forever, so I texted him again, telling him I didn’t ask him to ask me out. I just made it clear that I couldn’t be his friend and be in love. He said he understands. He also told me he deleted my pictures and things about me because I hurt him. Last night, I was hurt because—was it that easy for him to delete everything about me? I decided to give him space since he wanted to move on and forget about me. There wasn’t a day that passed without me questioning how things ended between me and him. I hoped one day we would cross paths again. On New Year’s Eve, I was clearing my SMS on iMessage, and I saw a text from him since December, which I didn’t know he sent. I responded, apologizing for the late response, and wished him a happy new year. He wished me back. Since then, I have been thinking about him more than usual.
I decided to text him, checking up on him, and he responded and told me he misses me. I told him I miss him too. We spoke about everything that happened and actually laughed about it. We started talking again. We decided to meet up last week, Friday. I had to take permission from my mum, and she requested to see him. He had no issues with it. He came to my house and met my mom just so she would know I’m in safe hands. We went swimming and had a lovely time. We kissed, and he dropped me home. We are meeting again this weekend, and some crazy things are definitely going to happen. But I’m scared. I like him, no doubt. Here’s the thing—he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. I don’t know if we are dating or just friends. I’m scared to bring up the topic. Have men stopped asking the question, “Will you be my girlfriend?” I’m 23 years old. He’s 29 years old.
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