Hello everyone, I really need help. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m losing my mind. For years now, I’ve been having weird thoughts. It keeps getting worse. I don’t know who to talk to about it. Who will believe me? I’ll just sound crazy. My mind is a scary place, it’s my biggest enemy. I can’t pray without having demonic thoughts. Not only praying. I can’t be alone for a long time without those thoughts flooding my mind. I’m even so scared to say them out. I also keep having this thought that if I don’t do something, something bad will happen. For instance if I don’t open and close the door three times something bad will happen to a family member or if I don’t wash a plate twice or five times something bad will happen. I live with this fear that I might not even live to 30. I’m 22. Sometimes if I close the door and I’ve gone out, I will come back to check the door. most times I know it’s locked but my mind won’t rest until I go back home. To be honest, If it was just this, I won’t be that bothered. It’s the thoughts that I’m tired of. I’ve sinned greatly against God.
I can’t even pray for forgiveness without having more thoughts. Many days I have sucidal thoughts. Won’t it be better to end it all at least those scary thoughts will stop. I googled the symptoms and I think it’s OCD. I can’t even afford therapy if not I won’t be here ranting. I really don’t wish this on anybody. I just need a break from my mind.
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