I’m here to express myself because I don’t want to say this to my mom or my best friend because they always think I have moved on, but I actually stalk my ex most of the time on Instagram. I love that dude more than myself, I don’t see fault in him. Even if he cheated on me then, I was blaming her female friend who let him meet her friend, but that’s not where I’m going because I have forgiven him for everything. He’s the first man in my life, he’s the one that disvirgined me and I still love him so much. But he always wants to go days without talking to me after an argument or he will say he’s not interested again. But me, I’m very emotional and always want to settle and talk to him. Some days I will cry in silence to some extent I get lean, which he was aware of, but I will still choose him over any man. So we had issues and it took us 3 weeks before we came back and that’s the longest time we spent apart. I thought it over, I cried day and night and I encouraged myself to work hard and the next day I went for home service for the first time. A lot of my customers want home service but my mom would say no, but I told her I want to be doing it, that I can handle myself.
I am a nails and lashes artist and I do facials and pedicure too. There’s this man that always wants me to come do home service. I called him and asked if he’s still interested because I always think my ex looks down on me because I’m not rich enough. So I went there and after the appointment the man forcefully had s€x with me and I screamed, but no one could come to my rescue. This man knelt down begging me, telling me he wants to date and spoil me and all, while I was crying so bad. This man tried to make it up to me but I didn’t give him attention, and even if he came around to my shop I wouldn’t give him attention. He would buy so many things. I said to my mom he went for shopping, that he just got this for us. My mom didn’t know what was going on. But I told this man that he should never come to my shop if he wants me to forgive him and he stopped. I forgot about him because me and my ex were back. I cried the day I met him again and he was asking why I was crying. I said nothing, but in my heart I put the blame on my ex because if he didn’t always keep malice with me there’s a possibility that nothing like that would happen to me.
After some months my ex asked if I’m seeing another man. I said no. He said because before, whenever he had s€x with me, things worked out for him, but now clients will block him or say no. He told me about the man. My ex told me to text the man. I did, the man started begging me, saying he doesn’t have bad intentions for me, he likes me and all. I screenshotted and sent it to my ex before the man deleted it. My ex asked for the man’s number, he texted the man, swore for him and all. I got angry and told my ex he and the man are the same. But after the issue, we reconciled again and suddenly I started noticing he was seeing his ex. I fought him and I cried out, I was tired of life at that stage. But my ex would say nothing is between them. I started having it in mind to leave him, so any misunderstanding, me too I would ghost him. But I still love him. So I decided to focus and forget about all this before my ex started accusing me I’m seeing other guys again. I couldn’t bear the pain, so I told him I’m not interested again, which was when I started loving him more.
He begged me and all, but I didn’t accept him back. But I still have feelings for him. It’s been 3 months now and I’m in another relationship. The guy he was accusing me of, I started dating him. He treated me right, said sweet words to me, made me experience myself and spent on me. But yet, I still stalk my ex. Sometimes I will block him, I will still go ahead and unblock him, which my new boyfriend has started noticing. I still love my ex, but I love him too. I just don’t know how to stop thinking about him. You guys should please advise me how to move on. I don’t know what I want.
Also Read: I Don’t Want to Leave Him But I Can’t Wait