Life has really been cruel to me, or maybe I’m just not lucky. I came from a broken home and was maltreated for years by a relative after my mom and dad divorced. Because of that, I promised myself that I would be successful and make my mom’s efforts worthwhile. I couldn’t have a proper relationship because I was too focused on myself and scared that I might end up like my mom. I have spent my whole life living in fear and sadness. I watched my friends date multiple partners, and everything seemed to work out for them. When I finally decided to have a serious and committed relationship at 22, I ended up dating a cheater, a manipulator, a nonchalant, and an uneducated person. He was only supportive, but three months into the relationship, he infected me with an STI. I actually noticed some of these red flags, but I thought no one and no relationship is perfect. I thought I could change him and make things work, but I was wrong.
I finally left the relationship last September after a year, but it left me with an unhealed scar. I can’t go a week without crying and questioning God, wondering what I have done to deserve this. Is this how my patience is rewarded? Well, I’ll just take it as my fate and focus on myself and my business. If a relationship comes, fine; if it doesn’t, may His will be done. I just really wish God would crown my efforts and bless my business. I wish He would have mercy on me and make my business succeed. This is a business I built all on my own—no support, no financial help from anyone for three good years. Right now, I’m managing a space inside a street sister’s store, but I’m hoping to move into my own personal store if I can make more sales and raise enough funds. I will be graduating soon, and most of my customers are students like me. My fear is that after graduation, many of them will leave, and this will affect my sales. I am really scared and don’t want that time to come.
I have done countless adverts, but they are not yielding good results. I am very prayerful and hardworking, but my efforts don’t seem to be paying off. I am really tired, and my health is deteriorating. I don’t even know how to explain how I feel in a way that people would understand that I have exhausted my patience. Right now, I am tired of hoping and struggling. If only God could answer just one of my prayers, even if it’s divine healing. I’m just tired; I want to rest.
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