I’m stuck between my own delusion and reality. I met a guy last year who was everything I wanted in a man: loving, kind, compassionate, generous, God-fearing (sometimes), and above all, he is family-oriented. We had a clash earlier this year that changed the whole perspective of our relationship. Before then, I was so in love with him, and I was already foreseeing the future. I had spoken to his family and everyone important to him! I also introduced him to my people as well. He lied to me about an ex. Told me they never dated, even though I asked several times during different moods—when we were just gisting and laughing, quarreling, laughing, happy, etc.—but he denied it every time. Only for me to find out they dated, and she was still in his life when he asked me out. I was devastated and hurt, not gonna lie. He apologized, and we moved on, but we kept having issues after that.
The relationship stopped being rosy, and I stopped trusting him. He has apologized and tried to prove himself on several occasions, but I just can’t completely forget. I finally broke up a few weeks ago because I just couldn’t continue suffering in silence. I loved that man with every fiber of my being, but there are some things I just can’t shake off. Now, I’m having deep thoughts about relationships and marriage in general. I keep asking myself these questions: What if we were already married before I found out? Or what if I marry someone even worse tomorrow? Or a pretender who unleashes his demons after we say “I do”? Married people, how do you let go? What keeps you grounded in your marriage? I leave at the slightest inconvenience, not gonna lie, and I’m worried I might not settle down.
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