I am a northern student and have been in a relationship with one of my professors, who is also from the north. He already has a wife, but we have had a very open relationship. I trust that he is faithful to both her and me because he has always been honest and open. His children, aged 25 and above, no longer live in Nigeria, and earlier this year he asked me to marry him as his second wife. I did not give him a clear answer because I was not sure about it. Recently, something changed. He travelled and when he returned, I went to greet him at his office. He told me about the gifts he brought back for his secretary, some lecturers, course reps, and others. Then he casually mentioned that he bought me something too. In the past, he used to give me thoughtful gifts like perfumes, chocolates, abayas, and watches. But this time, it was just a pair of slippers, when he had previously told me he bought gifts like perfumes for other people. I did not complain because I did not want to come off as entitled, but deep down it really hurt. It felt like he was not putting the same thought or effort into me anymore. Lately, I have been feeling like he is falling out of love with me.
Maybe it is because I did not agree to marry him and now he is just keeping me around until he finds someone else. I still love him, but marrying him would make it look like I am doing it for money and I do not want that. When I said no to being a second wife, he pointed out that my mum is a third wife, as if that should make it easier for me. But he ignores the fact that my mum married a younger man. My situation is different. I am starting to feel like I am playing the role of a side chick to someone who is not emotionally available anymore. I have also realised that I am putting in more effort than he is. I have even been on birth control pills because he has erectile dysfunction and cannot use condoms. It is painful knowing that while he still calls and sleeps with me, emotionally he might have already moved on. What makes it even harder is that I do not have any younger guy I can move on with. My social media gives the impression that I am already in a serious relationship, doing GRWM videos for our indoor dates, so it feels like I have blocked myself off from other potential relationships.
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