On this body count matter, is 3 high for a 25-year-old?? Anyway, I’ve got a complicated story. I fell in love while I was younger, and I was bent on keeping myself. I’ve always wanted to be a happy wife and a happy mother. Growing up, I knew I had a high sexual urge, but I was able to discover myself and control myself when I read about it because I read a lot (I’m still shocked how I was able to pull through). Met him when I just finished high school and did the no marriage no sex, but I fell deeply, and three years into it, we had sex. Like I said earlier, my urge was high, and I was timid, so I just gave it my all. In our 4th year, he ended things with me and went with someone else. My heart shattered, and I would still commend myself that throughout that period, I didn’t try to indulge in sex with anyone.
I’m not kidding when I say I’m a nymph, but I’ve tamed myself so well, and I was forced to be an introvert because I didn’t want to fall out if I went out more. Close to a year, he came back, and we continued. But this time, I was more cautious with myself. Not long after, he left the country, and these were the words he said while we were communicating, “You know we don’t owe each other anything, and I might decide to end things with you, and there’s nothing you can do.” Why did he have to say this? It hurt me so much, and to think it’s been years we’ve been coming together. Out of my fears, I decided to try out a ship. The first I found out, he was married (called it off when I found out), then the second I found out he had a girl in the long run which I called off also but I had s€xual contact with them. After this, I had to run tests on myself to be safe (though I had protected sex).
Going through these, I decided to stop because it seemed this relationship of a thing wouldn’t work out for me. F#cked up, right? Now these past few months, my boyfriend who traveled out has been acting serious and wants to wife me. As I speak, my papers are ready, and I’m joining him by next week in the U.K. My conscience has been bugging me, and I’ve cried, and I regret it a lot. Emotional damage it is. Maybe because I love him too much, I can’t even tell him. I wanted it to be just him and only him, but this happened. Now I just want to see how it goes when I get there with him; I might walk away rather than tell him. But getting involved in another relationship, I don’t think I can. Do you know the kind of relationship you both nurtured each other until you became successful? Yes, that’s it.
We grew each other and were at each other’s worst and best days. I just hope I find peace because my heart hurts a lot. I know I would be judged and condemned, but I wanted better and just didn’t want history to repeat itself. 8 beautiful years, anyway grateful for it all. Xoxo. P.S: I know this is a rant page, but when people come here to talk about what they’ve been through, either their faults or not, in as much as we drag them for living that way, let’s try to put an end note for them still being fine and try not to indulge in such anymore. Nobody has it all. In fact, some of us have it worse, but our coping mechanisms differ. Try to be each other’s safe haven behind keyboards. Love y’all.
Also Read: Life is Hard