They say “dare to dream.” I did. But right now, I don’t know what will become of me nor my dreams. At age twenty, nothing has worked out. I am in a situation that feels impossible right now. I have written JAMB consistently for four years now, all above 200 and 250, in the manner of 219, 233, 254, and this year 249. But every year, the result goes to waste because I can’t apply to university. This year I missed Delta State University Post-UTME registration, and now my only options are private universities whose Post-UTME forms are still available. They have also resumed, but people can still apply. All the people I started with are graduating and in their finals. From being the best student in secondary school, yearly class topper, to being late and stuck in life. A lot has happened in my family. We are six children; no one has been able to get their feet together. My parents had great plans for us, but life happened. My dad got into an accident in 2017; we had to sell our house to save the situation. My mom fell seriously ill. Every money from the building has been spent on one medical problem or the other. My parents need regular medical checkups. Now my dad is diabetic, he’s growing old, and his sight is failing. My parents are growing old and weak. My dad lost his father before he was born, so no daddy inheritance or uncle and aunt support. I am in that phase of hope and fear. It can only be the mercy and grace of God that can change my situation, so I am hoping on God. It’s hard with everything going on. I have great dreams and aspirations, so much positivity and impact I want to make in the world. At age fifteen, I started working on a personal hypothesis on sickle cell anemia. This year, I tried submitting my hypothesis to international research institutes, but it was unproductive. I am passionate about healthcare. I really don’t know how to go about everything. I started a fundraising campaign on Crowdr months ago. I have sent it to lots of people for support and repost, but I haven’t gotten any reply or support. I understand the fundraising goal is huge because I am hoping to apply to a private university and get my dad’s pelvic and eye surgeries done. Any university option I can get is okay, as long as I get admitted and possibly live off campus to be able to work on other things that will be productive. It’s been six months of sending emails and messages, trying to speak with people to support the fundraising. I have panicked, and I have been having suicidal thoughts. What will become of my life? All of these have affected my life. At first, I thought I was being focused on my life and goals. I never had a relationship, and I barely keep friends. If my life is not working, how can I entertain people? That has been my mindset, trying to balance my life. There are guys trying to date me when I go out, but I always feel frustrated. If I even give out my number, it ends at the talking stage. I don’t just feel motivated nor interested in dating. I don’t even go out anymore. I have become thin. I have been starving myself and overthinking, but everyone thinks my life is figured out and progressing. But I am slowly dying. I find myself isolating and questioning my entire existence. What will become of me? I don’t know what to think. I don’t know where to start from. I feel like I have lost years and wasted my life.
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