My heart is heavy right now. I feel like I am losing my mind. I lost two more international clients today, all because I am Nigerian. One was £700 for a Shopify website and the other was $500 for a full brand identity. I am not okay. I just need to rant and let this out. I have been crying since yesterday. I have been doing my best to make things work. I am 28, a woman. I graduated over seven years ago. Last year, in February, I officially launched my web design and branding business. I got a client in May, and honestly, that was God’s doing. That $400 website project saved me because I used it to pay my rent and avoid being kicked out. Since then, I have received so many inquiries on Instagram, but it always ends the same way. After they sign the contract and I send the Payoneer payment link, they ask for my location. When I say Nigeria, they disappear just like that. I lost a $1,500 project in July and another £600 one in August. It hurts deeply and I will not lie, I am struggling. I have been trying so hard, but right now it feels like too much. I do not even know who to be angry at, myself or this country.
I am 28 and I feel like I should have built something solid by now. On top of that, I have developed painful varicose veins. I cannot sit for too long and I cannot stand for too long either. It is hard to believe this is happening at my age. I do not want to keep losing clients. If I had gotten just a few of these jobs, I would have been able to fix some of the problems I am facing. My mental health is in a bad place. I know it is affecting my ability to keep clients. I feel like a failure. Seeing my peers progress makes me want to hide. I have not even gone out or treated myself this year. I thought working harder would change things. I just want to feel lighter. Right now, my heart is heavy, and I hate this country so much.
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