I miss my girl so much, so much that I can’t breathe. I’ve got pictures and videos of her, hundreds of them, but I still can’t. This feeling of detachment is almost unbearable. I’m a single mum to a princess. I’m still a student, so I had to drop her with my mum at two months old to go back. Her father isn’t in the picture one bit, but that’s not my struggle right now. My struggle is that I can’t seem to cope anymore without her. It’s not just about missing her. I feel guilty, I feel terrible, and I can’t even concentrate on the exams I’m currently writing. I feel like a bad mom. I feel like she may not grow to love me well because I wasn’t there. I planned to do so much with her, build so many memories. Today I saw so many baby videos—their first steps, first words, mama-baby photo shoots—and I got so overwhelmed because she’s going to miss out on so much.
I saw one of her dad’s friends today too and got freshly reminded of all the love I thought I shared with this guy only to be dumped because I kept a child that I can’t even be with. What do I have then? Nothing. I just miss her so much I badly feel like invoking her here and hiding her inside my bra, so she never leaves me again, let us just run away, it’s so cruel here. No, I can’t have her with me in school, being in school sef alone and catering to my personal needs and that of a child is a whole lot, I’m not even living my life anymore but let me just have my girl with me. I’ll feel better by tomorrow sha, hopefully. But I do h8te this guilt. She deserves mummy even if daddy isn’t there. She deserves mummy.
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