I feel like I’m dying. Oh no, I’m not sick or anything. It just feels like I’m vanishing slowly. I’m depressed. I cry all the fucking time, even over little things or sometimes nothing at all. My mental health is deteriorating. I’m always sad and lonely, but I fake it when I’m with people. I know you guys would suggest that I talk to someone, but there’s no one I can talk to. I don’t have close, genuine friends. People around me just wanna tell me things about themselves because I’m a good listener, but no one wants to listen to me. No one has ever listened to me or taken me seriously whenever I say that I’m depressed or want to talk about what I’m going through. I’m too paranoid to see a therapist, and even if I wanted to, I can’t afford it. So I have a lot of shit bottled up. My brain and mind are all tangled up. I forget things now—I even forgot today is my mom’s posthumous birthday.
The 28th of this month is also my dad’s remembrance, and I bet I’ll forget that too. SMH. It’s too much. I need help. I don’t know what to do. People think I’m this goofy, bubbly girl, but they don’t know that I’m dying inside. I’ve been through a lot, trust me, and I’m still going through a lot—childhood traumas, abu$e, stress, loneliness, lack of love, insecurity, paranoia, and anxiety. Now, I’m smoking weed, lol, to help with the pain. But is it helping, though? I’m just grateful that I’m not having suicidal thoughts, but I’m having even crazier thoughts. I don’t wanna d!e because I’m the only parental figure my younger brothers have. I’m just a girl at 23… but I have no one to rely on. This world is vanity, and I just happen to have a sad life. Lol. 🤦♀️
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