I just want to let everything out. I graduated with a third class, and I haven’t even told my parents yet. I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to face them with that kind of news. I feel like I’ve already failed them before life even started. Right now, I’m serving NYSC, and honestly, I don’t even know what I’m doing or where I’m going. I’m scared. I wake up each day with this weight in my chest—this constant fear that I’ll never become anything. The worst part? I have a dream. I love the media. I want to be a newscaster. I want to speak on TV. That’s the kind of life I’ve always imagined for myself—bright lights, cameras, passion. But then I look at my third class and I keep asking myself: is it even possible? Can someone like me still make it in that kind of world? I give so much of myself to people. I try to be kind. I try to be good. I give even when it drains me. But I don’t feel like anyone really gives back to me. I don’t have a strong friendship to lean on. I’m not in any relationship. I’m just alone in everything. And honestly, I give up too easily. The minute things feel heavy, I check out.
Not because I don’t want to keep going, but because I’m tired of always doing it alone. I’m tired of pretending like I’m okay. Tired of hiding behind smiles. Tired of acting like everything is fine when inside, I feel like I’m stuck—like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever become the woman I want to be. I just know that I needed to say this somewhere, even if nobody has the answers. Even if no one replies. I just needed to breathe.
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