I don’t even know where to begin, but I’ll start by saying this: my girl has been the most supportive person in my life. She’s been there for me in ways I can’t even begin to explain. But truthfully, she’s also the most disrespectful person I’ve ever loved. And that’s a hard thing to admit. Lately, I’ve found myself praying, not for our relationship to get better, but for God to take the love I have for her away. Because I’m tired. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of fighting for someone who makes me feel small. We had a fight about 2 months ago, and she pointed out some things I do that hurt her. I took it seriously. I went to God, asked Him to make me a better man for her. I changed the way I spoke to her. I listened more. I stopped arguing. If she said, ‘Let’s do it this way,’ I agreed. If she had an opinion, I followed. I’ve been walking on eggshells trying not to upset her. I’ve done everything in my power to make her feel loved and heard. Yet just recently, we had another issue over something so small, not even worth a fight, and she lashed out, saying I treat her like an object—like a non-living thing.
That cut deep. Because behind the scenes, I’ve been trying so hard. I’ve been nothing but loyal to this girl. But now, I feel like I’ve lost myself just trying to keep her happy. I can’t joke with her anymore without being told I’m ‘childish.’ I’m scared to be my full self around her. And that’s no way to love or be loved. I’m drained. I’m exhausted from the disrespect, the emotional rollercoaster, the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. I don’t want war. I want peace. I want to be loved in return without fear. I’ve tried my best. Now, I just want to find peace, even if that peace means moving on. How can I do that? It feels so hard.
Also read: My LDR Girlfriend Suddenly Changed