I don’t know the best way to put this down, but I would do so the best way I can. I am 19 years old (I will be 20 soon) and a semi-finalist. 9 months ago, I figured out that I had HIV. I just got to meet someone then, and after we had raw s€x about three times, he asked us to go run some tests, and that was when we discovered I had the disease. I have never been more afraid in my life, but we both went to the hospital, and we were both counseled. He decided he was going to continue the relationship since he tested negative (he has been on PrEP since then, while I have drugs that I use daily). I really love and adore this man so much, but lately, the relationship has been h€||. Whenever we have some arguments, he is always so quick to manipulate me, and at the end of the day, I end up apologizing. Most times, he reminds me of how hard he is finding it to deal with the situation I put him into.
I feel like he doesn’t care so much about me either anymore. For the first time in my life, I had an ab0rtion, and he wasn’t even there for me financially, physically, or emotionally while I was in school, almost losing my life. And I was still manipulated into thinking it was all my fault, and I still continue to love him regardless. Coupled with other times when I needed him to be available for me, but he never was, but I just put everything aside and hope things get better between us. I don’t ask him for anything because I know he is struggling for himself too, and I support him in any way I can. I have stopped doing a lot of things because I just wanted to be a better person for him, but all of that didn’t change anything. I have begged and cried just for him to treat me right. I just want a partner that loves me the way I do love them.
I have become so emotionally attached that I feel like I may lose myself completely if he leaves me, but I know the best thing for me is for me to leave. I have literally become a shadow of myself. I have looked so pale most of the semester, I have missed classes to the extent that my lecturers noticed. I used to be the happiest girl around, but right now, if I am not crying, my eyes are swollen as a result of previous cries, and I really want to get back to my old self. I want to focus on myself and bring myself back together. I am too young to be going through all this because of a guy, even married women don’t go through all of this. So please, I am just asking you guys, how do y’all practice detachment? How do you fully detach yourself with someone you have become so emotionally attached to? What are the things I can do to take my mind off him and stay on my own?
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