I’m 21 years old and I’m in my final year. My relationship with my boyfriend has been lagging since around August last year, but we always try to settle things. Let me add that we don’t school in the same state, and we only see each other once in 2/3 months. Six months into the relationship, I got pregnant and I had to abort it because I’m still in school and not ready to be a mother. My abortion wasn’t a quick one because I had issues trying to terminate it. I tried different p!||s and injections but it just wouldn’t get terminated. Because of that, it was a long process. Throughout the whole abortion and healing process, my boyfriend wasn’t there for me—mentally or physically. He wasn’t there. It even got to a point that I would tell him the p!||s they asked me to get, and by the second day, he would have forgotten. Turns out that throughout the time I was going through that, he was with another girl in his school. They were dating. The only thing I asked him to do was to break up with the girl, which he did. But after a month or so, he went back to the girl and they started dating again. I wasn’t aware until August when the girl messaged me.
She told me that my boyfriend had been texting her and they were actually back together, but she didn’t want him anymore—that I should warn my boyfriend not to text her again. After I heard that, I confronted him. He started apologizing. After a week of frequent begging, I forgave him and we got back into the relationship. But on getting back, he’s always giving me attitude, making it look like I’m forcing him in the relationship. So he said we should break up. I kept begging, but he wouldn’t listen. After a month, he texted me again and we got back. But since that time, it’s always been misunderstanding upon misunderstanding. And I’m the type of person that likes attention, so anytime we have issues, I’m always threatening to break up. But one way or the other, we’re always getting back. I know this man isn’t good for me, but the attachment that comes with the abortion is what’s always holding me back. He doesn’t take anything about me seriously—birthday, Valentine’s Day, Girlfriend’s Day—he doesn’t believe those are special days. The relationship continued on and off, and I was still being loyal. I knew he was texting other girls, but I didn’t know he was going to get into a relationship with one.
So, days ago, he texted me that he wanted me to come over to his place, that we should settle. At first, I ignored the message, but the second day, I replied and planned how I’d go to his place. But his tone and the fact that he was asking me when I’d leave if I came was the problem. I saw it as a problem because I hadn’t even come before he started asking when I’d leave. So, it became a problem and I didn’t bother to go again. I left it there. I noticed he followed a new girl and had been commenting and reposting her videos. So, I decided to check the girl’s page and noticed she was sent a Valentine’s package. I messaged him to confirm it and he didn’t deny it. But what pained me was the fact that he said he just asked her out around the time because I didn’t come to his place, and so the girl accepted and he decided to send her the Valentine’s package. Remember I said he never took all these things seriously with me. That really pained me. He asked me to move on, which is what I’m going to do. But the attachment and the memory of the abortion always haunt me. He’s someone I should have left since, but I kept giving him chances. And now, I’m broken. So, the advice I need is: how do I move on without delving into that part of me? Thank you.
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