I’m grateful for this platform and everyone who takes the time to drop a comment. This may be a long one, please take your time to read through. After analyzing the whole thing, I concluded that it’s only right that I take responsibility for the consequences of my actions. Growing up with a single mom made my mom unavailable, and we didn’t have a mother-to-daughter relationship because she was doing all she could to raise us. I grew up in a crowded house, a full house that consists of pedophiles, perverts, lesbians, bullies, and a few good people. I was always surrounded by guys. As time went on, I found solace in them. We left the house when I was 13. Even after leaving the house, I figured I always wanted attention from the other gender and always wanted to be around them still. I’m 23 now and I started reading numerous self-help books, learned a trade, and trying to be a better person but it’s still so hard to be loyal to my partner especially when they give me little or no attention because they’re busy trying to get their life together. The urge to flirt is always there even though I may not see who I was flirting with in the end. This has made me irritable, I pray I forgive myself. And I pray those I’ve hurt in the process of me just having fun heal.
I was seeing someone recently, who was a genuine and intentional person. He wanted me to be a better person and he knows his worth and what he wants, I didn’t say yes to him yet but he’s asked me to be his girlfriend numerous times but I’ve always found a way to change the topic because I knew there was still someone I wasn’t dating that I was seeing too. Though, we weren’t dating, I felt guilty knowing I had sex with the former person while he was committed to me. I couldn’t forgive myself and told him. He felt jilted and wished me well and I didn’t bother trying to get him back ‘cause I knew that would be selfish and stupid of me. I just apologized and wished he found the genuine love he deserved (whatever we had was for 6 months). I already blocked the former guy too and I hope I don’t hurt someone else. I wanna abstain and focus on getting better and also get to know myself. I want to heal so I don’t bleed on those who didn’t cut me. How I grew up isn’t an excuse to live a wayward and miserable life. I’ve tried setting my path right with Christ but I keep failing, don’t be nice with your comments. I don’t deserve the nice comments. When I make a lot of money, I’ll see a therapist so I can be a good wife and most especially a better mother.
Also Read: Be Careful with Who You Call Friends