This is to all the guys that can read this—I just want y’all to know that you can do better! Growing up, I helped my mom sell because she was a single mom, and my experiences so far have been so traumatic that they’re affecting my relationship life. We really suffered, living in a small shop. You meet a guy who sees you hustling, and it’s not like you ask for anything, but they see you, ask why you’re not in school, and promise you heaven on earth. But when it’s time to fulfill the promise, they’ll ask you to come get it. Then, when you meet, they try to force themselves on you, and at the end of the day, they still do nothing for you—all those promises go to trash. I used to think, If I grow up and make my own money, at least no one will try that with me again. I grew up to be so beautiful with a nice body, but even with the money I have now, I can boast of more than N10 million. I still can’t trust any guy again based on my past experiences. Though I’ve never been a successful rape victim,
I’ve found myself in that corner many times. This has made my over 24 years on earth lonely, and I’ve never been in a relationship. I met someone two months back. He has a car and is good-looking. I’ve never asked this guy for a dime before, but he’s always proposing love to me and wants to be in a relationship with me. I decided to give him a try. He invited me out, and I only took just one Smirnoff Ice, and that was that for that day. The next week, he called me again to meet. Though we talk on the phone almost every day, and he seems so obsessed with me, I decided that if he was serious about wanting to be in a relationship with me, then let’s meet and talk about it, which he agreed to. He came with his car to pick me up. This is a guy that can give me more than 20 missed calls a day. Because, like I said, my childhood experiences made me less interested in men—they took advantage of me growing up—this doesn’t even let me want to give any man a chance again.
He will call and call, even text me more than 10 times until I reply. I decided to give him a chance, but first, we needed to meet and discuss what would work for us. We went to the same place he took me to where I drank the Smirnoff, but instead of going to the bar, we were going up. Though I’ve never been to that place before, I was thinking maybe there is a VIP bar upstairs. To my greatest surprise, he already paid for a lodge without my consent. I was like, I’m not going in there. He started begging, talking about how we just want to talk and that we need all the privacy we could get. Plus, I had just come back from class, so he said I could use a rest. I then went in, and he was begging me to go shower, which I bluntly refused. That’s how this guy started touching me, not even up to 5 minutes after we came in. The more I told him to stop, the more intense it got. He forcefully pulled down my pants halfway to my thighs, and before I knew it, his mouth was already on me.
At this point, I couldn’t even control myself again. Can’t even lie—it’s been years since I’ve been touched. It was difficult, but I gathered myself and said, Nah, I’m not doing this. I pulled my clothes back up. This time, he got more aggressive and finally pulled my pants all the way down as I was struggling with him, which made me so angry. I shouted at him and also forcefully pushed him away. He was now calm. I put my clothes back on and asked him to give me the key to the door as I was about to leave. He started giving me the cold shoulder, talking about how he just wasted the money for the room. I told him that I never asked him to get a lodge in the first place. He then said that if that’s the case, I should give him back the money he used to lodge. 🤦🏽♀️That was when I went full crazy on him. He finally let me go. He even met me on the road and was begging me to get into his car so he could drop me off, but I refused. I wanted to go report to the station that day. I was even at the entrance of a police station nearby,
but I had to calm down. I thought about how useless the system is, and how I might just end up wasting money there, and justice still wouldn’t be served, so I just left. He’s been in my DM ever since, sending lots of messages, apologizing, talking about how he doesn’t know what came over him, and how he broke my trust because he promised we were only there to talk but ended up messing up. He asked me to give him another chance and promised it would never happen again. What pains me the most is that at my age, a man is still trying to do this to me. I’m not even a kid anymore, and there are still men like this out here. Despite how available s£x is nowadays, someone is still trying to do this to me. Men will say it’s because the girl has taken their money and then refuses to sleep with them, so that’s why they act that way. But what about me, who never even asked this guy for a dime? They even say, as a woman, have your own money so men will respect you.
Even having my own money, respecting myself, being a good girl—there is still someone trying to force himself on me. This now triggers all the experiences I had growing up. Even when my mom was sick, when we couldn’t eat and someone would see us, tell me to come by so they could give me money or foodstuff, and they’d end up trying to force themselves on me. I remember how I would cry and start begging, Please, brother, but they wouldn’t listen. But because of how strong I was growing up, I would always fight back. Even after they tore my clothes most times, I still wouldn’t let them until they left me. I don’t know how messed up I would have been if I had eventually been successfully r^p£d. The next thing you hear is, What were you doing in a hotel with a man? They don’t even care how you ended up there. That’s what I was thinking they’d ask me if I went to the police station. I might have even considered it if we had talked somewhere nice that day,
I saw his intentions were clean, and he was a gentleman—instead of him trying to trick me into s£x and forcing himself on me. 🤦🏽♀️This is why I don’t even reply to men anymore. I’ve been so lonely lately, but I can’t give anybody a chance. I’d rather stay home, m^$turbate, and try to cope. I’m really so scared, and I cry whenever I think about my experiences. Even as I’m writing this, I’m still tearing up. I lost my mom, and I stay alone with no friends or anything—it’s crazy. People think I’m proud or don’t want to relate with anyone, but the truth is I can’t because of my past experiences. Men, y’all can do better. If you ask 100 girls, 80 will tell you they have also experienced this, and 20–40 are rape victims, even though most girls hide it out of shame. Men can do better!
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