I recently broke up with my boyfriend, or rather, he broke up with me. We had been together for five years and he has always been the most amazing person I’ve ever met. He was my first boyfriend, my first sexual partner, and my only body count. I’ve always loved him deeply, even with his flaws, and I thought we would last forever. That said, our relationship has not been without its challenges. Over the past five years, we’ve had frequent issues. Sometimes I would be difficult or create friction between us, often because I was bored or seeking attention. I don’t know if it’s just me who does this (flirting with guys), but I feel like it’s a way I express myself when I’m not feeling fully connected. Unfortunately, he never understood this about me, and I knew this was wrong. A few months back, before the start of this year, I hung out with some friends. During that time, I kissed one of them, a friend I’ll call Z. The kiss was intense, and I honestly enjoyed it. I don’t regret kissing him. Later, I visited Z again, and we made out. Things escalated, and we engaged in oral s€x (he gave me head).
Afterward, I went home and lied to my boyfriend about where I’d been. I know he suspected I wasn’t being truthful, but we never talked about it, and life moved on. Recently, my boyfriend lost his job. Before that happened, we had s€x, which included oral s€x—something he rarely initiates. He doesn’t really like giving head because a pastor at his church once preached that it brings bad luck and is inappropriate for a man, though it’s okay for a woman to give a man oral s€x (very s€xist). I was stunned when he told me he believed giving me head may have caused him to lose his job. He said he wasn’t blaming me but wanted to express how he felt. I didn’t know what to say. I just kept thinking about how this belief didn’t make sense. Over the years, we’ve had s€x many times, and he never lost his job. It felt like he was projecting his frustrations onto me, but I decided to let it slide. One issue we’ve always had is his habit of invading my privacy. He has a pattern of linking my phone to his computer to read my messages without my consent. This has caused many arguments between us, as I find it disrespectful and controlling.
A few days ago, he did it again while I was asleep. He woke me up, told me he loved me, and then confronted me about cheating on him. He had read my chats and seen a video of me fixing my hair after my time with Z. He was convinced I had s€x with Z and wouldn’t listen to anything I said to defend myself. He told me even a blind man could see I had cheated. That day, he told me to pack my things and leave his house. He offered me transport money, but I refused. I didn’t want anything from him. He called me selfish, ungrateful, and said other hurtful things. While he has his flaws, I’ve always loved him and looked past them. He can be incredibly sweet when he wants to be, but in that moment, I realized we had reached the end. Deep down, I know I didn’t have sex with Z, but I can’t deny that what happened was wrong. Strangely, I felt a mix of relief and sadness when my boyfriend found out. Maybe it was better that the truth came out, even though I know I hurt him. Now I find myself questioning whether I’ve lost the love of my life or narrowly dodged a bullet.
Also Read: My Cheating Husband