I never believed I could share my story on this platform one day, but I guess it has happened. I’m in a relationship with a manipulative and toxic person who knows how to turn the tables around once we start quarrelling, and I end up being the one apologizing. He is 28, and this is my first time falling in love, but I regret it. He bets a lot with all his money without making plans for the next day. I can’t scold him or tell him how I feel because he feels I’m judging him. He takes hard drugs and also smokes, and I felt he would change. I keep praying and believing in him, but I guess he isn’t ready to change at all because he keeps getting worse day by day.
Once he is broke, he is so sweet and loving, but once he has money, I become his enemy. I don’t wish my worst enemy to go through this pain with me because it hurts so badly that I have given up on myself. I just feel I can never be good enough for anyone. When he is broke, I take care of all the house expenses and his subscription. He is just idle, doing nothing. I have turned into a beggar to everyone; even my younger brother stopped talking to me at a point until I had to apologize to him, and it took long for him to forgive me. I have made lots of sacrifices for this relationship, and all my friends see me now as a fool, but I still kept believing that he would change.
I’m ruined and damaged emotionally, physically, and mentally, to the point where I have contemplated taking my life on various occasions, which is why I now see myself as a loser. How can I move on? Please help me 😔. I feel my life is now meaningless, and suicidal thoughts are what come to my mind. I let go of myself all because of a man. I’m beautiful, but I guess I had to end up with someone who has caused me more harm. I have a lot to say, but my words fail me. Please help me with your advice 🙏🙏🙏. I have younger ones looking up to me, and I don’t want to fail them 😥. I’m even crying while typing this 💔.
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