I married wrong and my marriage has already ended after 6 months. I don’t know, but I feel it’s my karma. I married the most beautiful, intelligent, smart, decent, loyal, neat, respectful, and hardworking woman but never knew she was a devil in the form of a gorgeous angel. When I say I saw her as a perfectionist, despite how no one is perfect, she ticked all my boxes I want in a woman. We dated for 3 years and when I say I didn’t see any red flags, I did not. We even cohabited for a year—that was when I said she’s the one before putting the ring on her finger. She was very perfect in everything she did till we got married. That was when I saw the real her. Like, how are people so good at hiding themselves? That shit is scary. I’m always the type that, once I’m married, I’m never opting for anything like divorce. Marriage is a forever deal to me. My wife became disrespectful, always checking my phone if I’m chatting with other girls, but I don’t do such a thing. I’ve never done such in my life; I’ve never cheated in my life. I gave her my passcodes—that of my phones, iPad, and laptop—but she was never satisfied.
She did a lot that scared the shit out of me, but I don’t want to list them else the story will be way too long to read. We got into an argument one day, and she thr€atened me with a knife. I got scared and wanted to run away that moment because I don’t lay my hands on women. She begged, I forgave her. We had another argument again a few weeks later, and she used a bottle to hit my head then left me and drove out to hang with her friends. I managed to call on my neighbours to come help me to the clinic close by. That was when I drew the line that I’m ending the marriage. I called my family and hers that I’m no longer doing again, and thanks to God she’s not pregnant. I can’t allow someone like that to mother my children. I thought she was the one, for Christ’s sake. Or is it my karma? My family supported; her family begged, but my family stood their ground that they don’t want anymore. She cried that it was the devil. I just left the house for her. Three months later, I started thinking about an ex who was more like a best friend to me. Her flaws made me break up with her, and I refused to give her a chance.
She loved me more, she was always supportive, she was with me through thick and thin. She’s very clingy, loyal but aggressive with her words sometimes, which made me think she’d hit me someday—not knowing she was just a soft person that couldn’t hurt a fly. But yet I ended things with her. Although she asked me if I believed in soul mates, I told her I don’t believe in stuff like that. She’s actually the only person I can tell my shits. I’ve never been so comfortable with any woman in this life like the way I did with her. She knows my dirty and clean shits. She’s the only person I can call to beg for money and she’ll always come through. She’s very stubborn, intelligent, loyal. She’s too real and never pretends. She doesn’t hide her feelings or behaviours just to look perfect in my eyes. She tells the truth all the time. She can never get tired of talking to me. She loved me too much but I didn’t. I just wanted us to be friends. It’s been 5 years since our friendship ended. Still have her and her mum’s contact but was too scared to call. The thoughts kept coming on and on, then I took the courage to call her—switched off.
I called her mum. She picked and was shocked hearing my voice. She gave me listening ears and told me my ex is in the hospital; she was involved in a ghastly accident. A trailer fell on the vehicle she was in. Four people died but two survived. She’s one of the two that survived, and her left arm will be amputated due to the serious damage. I cried on hearing that and told the mum I’m flying over to see her. The mum rejected the offer at first, saying I’m a married man and she doesn’t want any issues. I told her I’m no longer married—I have to come see her. I went to Facebook, got to her page, contacted her friend. That was when I knew, after everything ended with us, she couldn’t move on. She turned down every man coming her way because she was no longer interested in love anymore. Although the friend insulted the hell out of me—that I really hurt her so much—which I understood, and I’m ready to fix everything with her. I don’t care if both her arms are amputated. I f*cked up. I wasn’t patient with her. I told my parents and they supported I go see her. My mum bought lots of gifts for her and her family. My dad sent 5 million to her mum.
I don’t know if I’m doing too much. My flight is next week. I’m so scared. I feel guilty about everything. I don’t know how she’ll react seeing me. Please guys, I’m so f*cking scared. I started thinking if I should just send them enough money and stay in my lane because I’m so ashamed of myself. My parents told me this is my only chance of redeeming myself and making things right and that everything happens for a reason. But I’m still scared. What if she rejects me because of what I did and how I abandoned her? Will she forgive me? Will she give me a chance? Do you guys believe in soul mates? I’m just scared of rejection.
Also Read: Have I Really Lost My Soulmate?