Back when I was in 200 level at the university studying law, I started dating a man much older than me. At the time, I was about 15 or 16 years old, and he told me he was 28. Later, I found out he was actually 32. Despite that lie, he was extremely generous, he gave me money regularly, took care of my needs, paid for my hair, helped my friends, and generally made life very comfortable for me. I wasn’t used to that kind of treatment, and he was the first guy to ever give me that level of attention and care. But the truth is I didn’t love him. I was young, and I think I stayed because of how much he did for me. It wasn’t love; maybe it was comfort, maybe greed, or just the thrill of being spoiled. Either way, my feelings were never deeply emotional. He continued to support me throughout university, even in my final year. He went all out during my FYB week, and in every way, he remained consistent with his generosity. But at the same time, he started becoming possessive. He hated when I was on the phone for too long, especially with friends. He didn’t want me going out much. It was like he wanted to cage me.
I started feeling trapped and suffocated. Beyond the age difference, there were other things that bothered me, he has a child, he’s not physically attractive to me, and I just couldn’t picture a future with him. I always knew I couldn’t marry him. I was scared I’d end up staying out of pity, and that’s a terrible foundation for any serious relationship. Then, during my dad’s one-year remembrance, I met another guy online. He was more my age, calm, kind, and respectful. He’s not as financially generous as my first boyfriend, but he’s my type in every way, handsome, emotionally balanced, and genuinely sweet. We started talking, and eventually, I agreed to date him. So yes, I ended up dating two people at the same time. I didn’t plan for my first boyfriend to find out, but something happened. My phone developed a fault, and I gave it to an engineer for repairs. What I didn’t know was that my boyfriend knew the engineer and went behind my back to collect the phone from him. Without my permission or knowledge, he took the phone, went through all my private chats, and discovered everything.
I was shocked when he showed up early in the morning to return the phone. That’s how he found out about the second guy. But instead of walking away, he started begging me not to leave him. He wanted me to stop seeing the new guy and stay with him. Even after catching me cheating, he kept pleading, making me feel guilty, like I owed him loyalty because of everything he had done for me. It’s been hard trying to break up with him. I’ve told him I don’t love him, I don’t want to be with him, and I certainly don’t want to marry him, but he won’t let go. I’m scared. I feel guilty for cheating, but also scared to stay. I don’t want to marry someone out of pity. I don’t want to be trapped in a relationship where I’m unhappy. But I also don’t know if karma will come for me, or if this new guy will end up disappointing me too. I’m confused, and I just don’t know what to do. Please, no insults, just advice me.
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