I used to think those who speak ill of others behind their backs were the worst, but what about those who say it straight to your face? I was seriously unwell at six years old, and after no solution, my mom found hope in a church where I was healed. She converted from Islam to Christianity and took her four children with her, despite being in an already troubled marriage. Eventually, she left my dad when things became unbearable, and since then, we’ve been moving through life with her and struggling at every turn. A supposed family friend recently told my mom that after 17 years of converting, nothing has changed for us—no progress, just problems. Hearing my mom repeat this to me with pain broke me because I know it would have messed with her mental health too. The sad part? The woman was right. Today is my 23rd birthday, and as I reflect, I see nothing new or promising.
My mom holds firm to her faith, but I feel stuck. Which way, God? Will things change if we revert? I’m just sitting here with thoughts and questions I can’t find answers to. I dated a guy in school who turned out to be t0xic. After a small misunderstanding, he’d lie and spread bad things about me, and he even came to humiliate me and take back the bed he once gifted me when I decided to end the relationship. Remembering all this just brings tears to my face. I’m graduating university in a few months, but I’ve figured out nothing yet. Thinking about life after school is making me more anxious. I’ve been saving to learn fashion design, and I’m close to the amount I need. I just wanted this year to be better. Right now, I’m exhausted and drowning in sadness. I deserve a year that feels lighter and brighter… Happy birthday to me.
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