Am I toxic? I love men that are authoritative, strict, sweet, clean, and soft-spoken—men that won’t argue with me but will give me silent treatment when I try to argue, then wake me up in the middle of the night to address the issue. Someone I have fear for. I don’t know how to put it, but I ended up with a man that always argues at the top of his voice like a woman. Everything he says is right, even when he is wrong. He won’t care to call me later to resolve the issue or accept that he’s wrong. Nah so the matter go die without proper communication, just “I’m sorry.” I’m so stubborn, and even when I don’t want to do something, if you sweet-talk me or talk softly, I will melt and do it. Not commanding me or putting pressure on me. I’m someone that is rude and sarcastic but doesn’t like talking because I know I’m not kind with words, and I control it. The first time he laid his hand on me was because I refused to talk back at him when he was arguing. I warned him and he promised not to do it again. The second time, I gave him the beating of his life and left him with a big wound, and he reported me to his mother.
After trying to be feminine and soft, he thinks he can run over me. He always says I’m heartless and wicked, but he still won’t let me be. And he is a sweet guy—fucks well, helps me with house chores, I only cook and clean the kitchen, and he cleans the rest of the house and spends when he is buoyant. I think he loves that toxic part of me more than the soft me. We are married, by the way. No kids for now, I’m not ready.
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